He wants you to be in a new R so he feels less guilty.
My thoughts too, exactly.
Journal:
Continued our texting convo, which was two hours worth lol. I suppose we will talk face to face eventually again, but for now it is probably easier to write.
Many things were said.
He said he forgave me but it would probably take longer for me to forgive him. I
My reply: I didn't ask for any absolution baby. If it is something you had to do for you that is fine. For me there is nothing to forgive you for except maybe the fact of not hitting me over the head with this earlier on. But I know who I was and I so not think that girl would have heard you to be truthful.
I am quite a bit different these days. I listen harder, love a bit more and don't judge as much
See, for me, I still am in love. So did it hurt to be replaced so quickly? Yes. Do I understand? Yes, but it doesn't stop the sense of loss I am not the same person I was and I really don't want to see her again. At the end of the day though it is a journey I have to make. People love and lose all the time. Just wish it wasn't me.
His reply is that he wasn't looking to replace me, that he just wanted to go out and drink and be mad, be a bastard, screw everything and anyone and just hit the bottom. That he wanted out.
I replied:
If you can let me I want to be there for you. I realize you are leery after the way I treated you. i felt the pain roll off of you and I let you be. I did not realize that all I had to was support you, stand beside you so you felt you had a friend and a partner
Well, you still have a friend and I will back you in your decisions. Want to quit the crap and stressful job? Give me a year to get degree and our language school on its feet. Can sell this place. Kids will be fine. S hopefully can be with you in City My plan was to do this anyway( except for house selling- which I don't know what we decide there) But I would like to see you happy. No expectation of that happiness including me but you truly deserve it.
I also said that his pain was not new to me, just that I was so wrapped up in my own stuff that I let him be. And that I was sorry.
I asked if he would agree, I could also have some advice and strength from him as well.
That is something I never ever asked and something he would have wanted. I was too stubborn, too proud and too strong to ever let someone be there for me.
His answer was "okay, see you tomorrow?"
Lmao! I am sure for a man that was an emotional overload.
I expect that there will be some steps back now, and moving away. Possibly tested to see if I have changed as well. It's hard every day, becoming the person I want to be, a person I would want to have as a wife and partner and friend. I also know that at the end of the day, friend may be all there is. I am kind of okay with that too, if it makes sense.
I think that I have realized that although he has his share of problems and crap behaviour, he is a pretty cool guy. Would I still want him in my life if he was with someone serious? Only, I think, if I had truly moved on.
I am being happy and doing things as per DB, but cannot let him think my life is super great without him. I can show him my life is going on and I am happy, but don't think, I can project the I don't care, because it is what I have projected all our M. This is a 180 and it is frigging tough to say what I feel, rather than saying what I think he should feel or do lol!
