What does the opposite of "continuing to be nice" look like? Be respectful, be courteous, show your kids the person you want to be, model that for them.
It basically means to stop going out of my way to help her do things, stop initiating small talk, stop trying to do things with her (i.e. watch TV/ movies, go shopping, etc...) and to stop killing myself doing all the house work so she doesn't have to. I will continue to be respectful, help her with her race/ charity work, and show the kids the person I am. It's tough for me to really grasp the concept of going dim because I really do like to talk and to help her out, only problem is it's getting me absolutely no where. For last week I've been really quiet and distant around her and just answering when she asks a question and it isn't natural for me at all.
Originally Posted By: labug
Are you the person you want to be? That's the important question.
Not yet but I'm getting there. I'm feeling better about myself almost every day and I can definitely see week to week improvements in my thoughts, my attitude, and my outlook.
Quote:
Kids and I have so much more fun when it's just us which is why I'm considering leaving once custody is signed off.
Originally Posted By: labug
What does this mean?
Yeah that made more sense in my head then what I wrote. Basically what I meant is maybe it was time for a S to allow me and the kids our own time when I have them. Obviously not seeing them some days would kill me and I'm guessing wouldn't be that great for them either. I'm just really struggling right now being in the house with her. She's just so cold and distant that it's affecting everyone. It's a happy upbeat atmosphere when she's not there. I try not to let it affect me much, especially in front of kids, but I know they sense it. W doesn't interact with us the same way as she used to and it's tough putting on a good face all the time no matter how hard I try. I know it's best to stay in house and will likely be what I do but it will be tough. I've tried to kid myself the last several weeks about our 'good family times' but when I look back I'm not so sure W was really enjoying it. I know that's me mind reading but I saw her body language, even when I was pretending things were going better. I feel I've enjoyed the times with just the kids more then when W is with us, which is really sad for me to write or think.
As I mentioned above, since day after Christmas I've felt detached from her and much more distant but it's not something I'm comfortable with. I hate that right now I feel nothing for her and have no interest in talking with her or knowing anything that's going on with her. Is going dim really living in the same house and not really talking or interacting??? It was obviously much easier being more talkative and "friendly" but: (1) not sure it was helping our future R (felt like W was using my niceness to get through D process as painlessly as possible by comments she's made), (2) I'm not sure I'm capable of doing it anymore after seeing how she was with kids when we told them about D, (3) not sure I can take more hurt from her so detachment feels like the better option right now.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
