Thank you, TGirl and Andrew. I've had such a hard time today. I'm back to feeling nothing really matters. Like I can't wait till my life is finally over. I know, sad. The feeling will go away but it's there today. It has happened before and I know it will go away--I hope it goes away sooner than later!
I am trying to put things in perspective. From my H's perspective, nothing really different has happened since he filed in Sept. Only that he got to spend some time with me (his "ex" already in his mind,) and got the comfort he needed when he would have otherwise been alone. What did I get? a huge step back in my personal progress. I don't feel confident anymore, and lost the sense that I was ready for good things to happen in my life. I feel used. And I really don't feel like seeing his relatives in CA. An entire day of my vacation will be spent driving to meet his mom and step father. For what? I hate sitting for long periods of time. Do I want to see these people? Yes. I do love them. But being with them will be a constant reminder of my H. This trip might be a mistake. If I back out now, though, the R will them will be severely damaged. They'll say, "Oh, H was right about Tori." I want to prove my H was wrong and exaggerated what was "wrong" with me. So I guess I'm going.
