I am almost at a 100 posts in my thread but since I have done more reading than posting lately, I thought I would see this one through rather than start a new one for the new year, as intended.
Sounds like we all got through the holidays. It was nice to be off work, spent lots of time with family and friends. But always felt a bit lonely. While we did not normally spend Christmas together, the two weeks after were reserved for us and New Year's Eve very special so being without him felt very strange indeed.
There has been no progress to report. In the three days before Christmas, he called constantly and texted. I was not answering (sometimes on purpose, sometimes not). We spoke Christmas morning which is also a bit of a tradition for us. When he finally got me on the phone, his relief was palpable. The first thing he said was that "all seemed right with the world now" and that he could breathe. We did not chat for too long. At the end of the conversation he said he missed me and that he loved me.
I know that MLCers are not supposed to make sense. But I cannot grasp that he could just brush off someone to whom he has such an emotional attachment. I know better know than to believe the words alone but the ILY just makes things that much more confusing. Is that in reaction to the panic when I was not responding?
And then I get a text on NYE: Happy New Year and may the next year be great! Yep, I have family in the hospital and while I am functioning better, my heart is still broken. Glad things are great for HIM.
I am trying to have some compassion, especially because MLC or not, I know that my independence from him caused some of the problems in the relationship. But, there are also some positive changes occurring in him. Maybe he'll some through the tunnel and decide he simply does not want me? I do not feel a great deal of hope for us. I still love him but I also can't help but feel like saying - you made your choice now leave me alone.
I have let him go: I am not contacting him, barely responding to his contacts and when we do talk, I keep it light and friendly. Do I just keep at it? Maybe that is why I feel like telling him to bug off; nothing seems to be changing. I know it takes a long, long time but.... well we've all been there.
