No contact (NC) is not some magic tactic that every LBS needs to be doing. In her book Divorce Remedy, Michele calls it the Last Resort Technique (LRT). (for good reason I'd say)

Just because you stop reaching out to the WAS is no guarantee that they will miss you, but that is the hope with this technique.

One thing is for sure: If you don't contact her and she doesn't contact you, then you have absolutely nothing.

LF, do you think your W will miss you if you cut off all contact? I know you said you’ve tried it before and got no response.

Just letting her know you are still there is not pursuing behavior if you do it properly.

I'm not saying NC isn't worth a shot here, just giving you some more thoughts on the matter.

Instead of letting W hear about their visit later from others, what do you think would happen if you texted W "hey, D and BF are planning to stop by to see me today, I just thought you might like to know" ?

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl