I will try to keep this short. My W of 8.5 yrs started an online R with a gut she met through an online social fitness site. She denied denied denied, then I found proof. He lives in AZ and we live 1800 miles east of there. It started out emotional then became physical when she went out there on a weekend trip before Thanksgiving. She wants me to move out but when I asked about divorce, she said she didn't know. is all she knows is she isn't happy right now, and hasn't been for a long time. I'm starting the 180 and LTR. Does this sound familiar to anyone else? Can anyone offer up suggestions for what I can do?
First, I would highly suggest to remain in your house. When it comes from a legal standpoint, leaving your home puts you at a disadvantage. Your W won't like it, but that is not your problem.
You might think that leaving to grant her desires will help you get closer to your goal. It might keep her anger towards you subdued, however it is unlikely to get you closer to your goal.
The reality for me, was that I couldn't push my W further away. From my experience, I can only suggest to take control of your life and lead with your actions. You cannot talk your way out of something you acted your way into. ACTIONS!!
At the beginning, I can remember making decisions in fear of pushing my W further away. That fear can paralyze us from making sound and rational decisions. Fear will lead us to the land of regret. Try to be aware when you make decisions from an emotional place.
Try to remember the convos you had with your W and identify any of her complaints about you. Put these complaints on paper to give you a template. Then begin addressing them. I have found when I write things down, it makes it easier for me to remember.
You mentioned that you have a daughter. Try to protect her the best that you can. Oh, and avoid sharing too much information with family and friends. It can turn out to be another obstacle in the future.
One of the most important things you will here in here, is detachment. Here is link to help you understand what developing detachment is:
There is not a magic bullet to fix this. It takes time, patience and a lot of effort on your part.
Last edited by dbmod; 01/10/1302:24 AM. Reason: External links not allowed
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
So my impatience and lack of knowledge on this site has me posting on different threads. Oppps!!!!
I have been staying with my sister and her boyfriend for the past 3 weeks. Is it to late to move back in and take my stand? I did this because I wasn't seeing any posts for advise on here (again see above disclaimer). I didn't have anyone to go to out side of here that doesn't know my wife....
I also started a newpost today not knowing about the multiple threads....
This is what my other post is. Should I start my own bank account? Originally my W stated she wanted to keep the same accounts so we could pay down the bills. Now I think I should be worrying about me and my daughter, not whether or not I'm making her happy.
Also I started staying with my sister and her boyfriend about 3weeks to a month ago. That was before I realized I had comments on here advising me not too. Is it too late to go back and stand my ground? Any help/advise is greatly appreciated!!!
I started to let her lead me around and she became bored. I was doing the same old things as mentioned in the DB book. When we started dating I was a bouncer on my off nights from being a firefighter. I think I was able to be interesting because I approached all relationships as take it or leave it. Then when we decided to marry I stopped the bar scene, and alot of other things that were me. The bar scene was a good thing to stop, but I also stopped being me in other ways. I was trying to give her what I thought she wanted. That in it self isn't the problem. It's the way in which I went about it. So now knowing this. Is it to late? Can I become that interesting man again? Should I start by telling her I'm moving back in (or just do it) do I just do ahead and start my own bank account. In my head it seems clear but I have also done a lot of wrong things to get me here..... Again I need HELP!!!
Last edited by Virginia; 01/04/1312:52 PM. Reason: book reference not allowed
I have been staying with my sister and her boyfriend for the past 3 weeks. Is it to late to move back in and take my stand?
You shouldn't have moved out. At this point you'll have to consult with a lawyer regarding your rights. I know in some states that as long as your name is on the title/ lease, you can move back in without seeking W's permission. Not sure if it's the same in all states though. Only the WAS should move, the LBS should hold their ground. The WAS needs to experience the full brunt of their decision to abandon the M.
