Andrew, you already apologized, right? If you want to take it a step further, you may want to write her a letter.
Also, I recommend a session with Jody ASAP. The state of things is critical enough that talking to her is needed.
Be aware of what sets you off before your emotions take hold of you. In the past (before the A) what made you angry? How would you express your frustration/anger? Be aware of the triggers. I think right now you're just under so much stress that the engry outburst is understandable, but what about the past? Did you ever behave like that in the past? You can learn from those experiences.
And for the record, your W is blinded to the fact she DID have an A.
