Quick update to my blurb: yesterday, H and I worked out together. Today we didn't. So evidence proves that I CAN do it with him, but I enjoy it more without him.
RLA, I'm going to look into those books you've mentioned. It would be a bit of a change from what I usually read. I'm not sure disrespect is the word I would use for H's behavior, though. I interpret it more as his "uncaring for me." Like playing his music loudly. I don't think he's being disrespectful, since he just likes it that way and does the same thing when I'm not around. But it demonstrates not caring for me by continuing to play it loudly when I'm present, even when I point it out for him that it's uncomfortable for me. The thing is, he isn't being cruel in response, like telling me to f-off if I don't like it. Instead, he smiles and tells me who the artist is and points out the instrument playing in the background, etc, basically trying to convince me that I really do enjoy it playing loudly. But it physically hurts my ears, so I leave. It all boils down to H creating a R where I simply don't enjoy him.
I've done the list thing before. I'm not sure what would still fall on the non-negotiable list anymore. There used to be several things years ago, but I've already negotiated through them all, including an EA. The only one that used to be on it that I haven't had to actually deal with is a PA with another woman, at least I'm not aware of it if he has. To that, now, I'm not sure if I would care anymore in light of everything else. I might actually feel relieved that the pressure for sex is off me. Betrayal comes in many forms, not just a PA.
Originally Posted By: RegretfulLA
Originally Posted By: Crazyville
I feel very protective of me/mine and consider H a high risk to "my world." That's HIS contribution to the problem.
I wonder if your H sees you as "selfish"? Have you always felt this way? This certainly is an issue in my M, according to H.
No, it's a learned response. I used to be very generous and giving in our M. And H used to be very selfish. I've changed, he hasn't. H would confirm this.
At this point, I'm still M'd because I still believe it's the best for S12. I just thought if I'm going to be here anyway for the next 5+ years, then it might be worth trying to improve it in the meantime.
