Maybe his actions are those of a great H but his attitude doesn't match. It's no wonder you didn't feel it was love that was the prime motivator for him.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
I wouldn't even worry about H as this point, whether he's being nice, looking confused, etc etc. Just continue to focus on you and being who you want to be. Continue to learn and understand your own issues.
Eventually you'll get to a calmness where you can deal with H and the M without it impacting who you are and how you behave. You sound like you are well on your way!
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I am making good progress in IC and starting to get to the heart of my own issues. It feels calmer now. Agree that the focus needs to be on me and it's getting easier to do that. It would be a lot easier if he would leave though...
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
Just a little more journaling and thoughts. Found some photos from my early days w H. Made me remember how close we were, how much fun we had together. We haven't been best friends like that in a long, long time. Kind of sad and I don't know if we can ever get that back.
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
Just a little more journaling and thoughts. Found some photos from my early days w H. Made me remember how close we were, how much fun we had together. We haven't been best friends like that in a long, long time. Kind of sad and I don't know if we can ever get that back.
I find it does help to remember the mindset you were in when you reminisce. What were you thinking? What were your worries? What was your focus? That has helped me shed a lot of the "crap" we've accumulated over the years and just enjoy the moments....more like I did when we were younger.
With that said, I'd try to keep your focus more on going forward than the past. If you R, your M won't be going back in time to a great moment. It'll be going forward with new skills and understanding...and hopefully, creating even better moments.
Breakdown, I wish it were as simple as that. We haven't had many "great moments" in the last few years. Sure, we've taken nice trips and done fun things. But I haven't felt close to my H in a very long time. Honestly, I don't know if it's possible to get that back now. And I'm not sure I want to. Right now, the thought of staying with him feels like going backwards, not moving forwards.
The only way, I think, for the M to work for me would be for us to try to change and grow together, but I just don't see that happening.
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
Honestly, I don't know if it's possible to get that back now. And I'm not sure I want to. Right now, the thought of staying with him feels like going backwards, not moving forwards.
The only way, I think, for the M to work for me would be for us to try to change and grow together, but I just don't see that happening.
I really wasn't suggesting anything other than to continue moving forward and focusing on yourself. I think you are doing it...just keep going!
Just a little more journaling and thoughts. Found some photos from my early days w H. Made me remember how close we were, how much fun we had together. We haven't been best friends like that in a long, long time. Kind of sad and I don't know if we can ever get that back.
Wow, I've done the exact same thing since BD. It's brought tears to my eyes. I've asked myself the same questions that Breakdown asked and identified some of the answers. However, I also found it hard to answer some of them. I feel like we've slipped so far that I can't remember what it was like sometimes. I know that I was under a lot less stress and H and I did everything together. But like you, I know that it will take more than me to get back to that stage, if we ever could.
Even if you move forward in your M, you may never get back to where you were early in the M. A lot has transpired over the years. I think that's why they talk about entering a new M.
Keep working on you.
M44 H57 D17 (special needs) M 18 yrs Bomb 7/2/12 Still living together
He is scared and confused. Sulking in bed and being cranky...defence. He does not want to end this M reaally...he just does not know what to do. That is why need the best MC you can get. Marriage focussed and solutions-oreiented. stop referring to other men or your next man. This will not keep your heart in the effort. He would not have spoken to your dad if he wanted out. And it was not to make you look bad. He was looking for guidance. Does he have a dad?
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
