Did a lot of GALing over the weekend and it felt SO good. Hung out with a bunch of friends, saw a movie, got to watch the entire Spartans bowl game, went tailgating and to the Lions game, and finished a book. I had a really good time and surprisingly didn't give the W a single thought. Friends were all cool about it and didn't really talk about the sitch so we could just have fun. Kids seemed to have a good time with cousins which is nice. D7 and I texted a few times which she got a kick out of it. She would call me before to tell me she's going to text me . D7 is doing ok again but told me she didn't talk with mom about D. I wasn't sure why she said that and I didn't want to pry so I just left it.
They came home NYE and it was fun with kids watching the ball drop, dancing, and wearing our funny hats. I have to admit I would have rather spent the night with just the kids because the W did bring it down a bit with her attitude. Since we told the kids I've been completely detached from her; it's to the point where I still don't like even being around her. We haven't fought but I doubt I've said 100 words to her in the last week, she hasn't tried to initiate any conversation either. The lawyers are involved now and it looks like the D process is in full swing. She is supposed to give me her custody proposal tonight along with a list of things she wants to take with her. She did ask about getting a storage locker to start cleaning out the house to put it up for sale. I said it would make more sense for us each to get one which she seemed surprised at. Didn't see why we would move everything out and then separate it later.
Over the weekend I was looking for a file on the computer and I stumbled onto a folder of old letters I had written her (yes I used to type them before hand writing them because it's faster for me). I had forgotten I even had these. It's amazing that I've had the same complaints, requests in the marriage for over 10 years and I don't really feel any different now. I've made a lot of changes since writing those letters and some of the stuff isn't applicable now but I realized I've been hurting for a long time. I got a little down after reading a couple of the letters knowing I put myself out there several times with no response from W. I agree with her that she never really did try to make the marriage better (her words). I wish I knew then what I know now and maybe I could have done things differently but I can't go back.
I did get a little down yesterday taking down the Christmas decorations thinking it's likely the last time as a family. Seeing all those ornaments being packed up really $ucked. I think it's going to be a long, difficult year. Here's to 2014...
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
. D7 is doing ok again but told me she didn't talk with mom about D. I wasn't sure why she said that and I didn't want to pry so I just left it.