Thank you again, Ruby. I slept much better last night, though the nightmares were back and as soon as I woke up I started to cry. It's like being back to square one...

My H called last night to "see how I was doing." I made myself sound upbeat. He said he had nightmares the night before about hurting me with his words "I guess I still care about hurting your feelings" he said. I replied that anyone would care about hurting anyone's feelings, and that even if what he said had been hard to hear, it had been necessary and I was glad we had the conversation. I also said we should probably not share so much about dating. He said he also had a feeling he had shared too much.

Then he said, "I was thinking, we do have a long history together." Then he hesitated about what he was going to say next. I said to myself I wasn't going to fall for this again and take his comment as an indication of anything. I only said, "yes, we do."

We talked about our "level 3" friendship. He said that if he were dating anyone it might be awkward to go out with her and me. How could he even consider I would hang out with him and his OW? But I said, calmly, "well, this will not be possible." He then said that we could probably spend time together just the two of us (and leave the girlfrien behind) but it would be hard for him "to be good." I just listened. Clearly, this level 3 friendship will not work if either of us is with someone else. Whatever. I'm still angry, and don't want to care whether we are friends or not.

He wished me a good time on my trip to CA. I said I was really excited about it and would have fun (Even though I still feel like cancelling the trip bc I don't feel like spending all this time with his relatives.)

That was it. I read the chapter about detachment on the Wayne Dyer book. It's really good. Ironically, he talked about how he and his wife practiced detachment, so that he loves her and lets her do whatever she wants without trying to control her, and that this is the basis of a good M. A few years later, his W left him for OM. It makes me wonder...