Walking the path to my own happiness

[mamabird]

FM, educate me. What are the signs?

I found myself thinking tonight "It doesn't matter because he doesn't love me" and realized how many times I'd had this thought before ("It" being some sort of variable). Then I realized that I'm walking around thinking that H does not love me and basing my actions on that thought - so it's no wonder that I've gotten myself into all kinds of trouble. I just finished reading a Byron Katie book that educates you on how to question your thinking, so I guess it sunk in to some degree.

I realize that I would characterize many of his pre-bomb "loving" actions towards me as obligation, not love. Like, he was obliged to get me a Christmas present (I guess that was post bomb). Obliged to give me his first class upgrade on a trip we took in May. Obliged to come home early from a business trip because I was recuperating from surgery. Etc. I never felt the love in any of it because he always seemed so put out by it all, but those are the examples that he brings up when he talks about how great a H he is.