My last thread is locked so it's time for a new one. The title comes from one of my favorite bands and probably best reflects how a lot of us feel
It was long after midnight When we got to unconditional love She said, 'Sure, my heart is boundless But don't push my limits too far' I said, 'If love was so transcendent I don't understand these boundaries' She said, 'Just don't disappoint me You know how complex women are'
I'll be around If you don't let me down too far I'll be around If you don't let me down
It was just before sunrise When we started on traditional roles She said, 'Sure, I'll be your partner But don't make too many demands' I said, 'If love has these conditions I don't understand those songs you love' She said, 'This is not a love song This isn't fantasyland'
Don't go too far A phosphorescent wave on a tropical sea is a cold fire Don't cross the line The pattern of moonlight on the bedroom floor is a cold fire Don't let me down The flame at the heart of a pawnbroker's diamond is a cold fire Don't break the spell The look in your eyes as you head for the door is a cold fire
I'll be around If you don't push me down too far I'll be around If you don't push me down
Love is blind if you are gentle Love can turn to a long, cold burn...
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
25 I read your last post to me and I will be taking that advice. Thank you. Quick update. I've been busy drywalling and painting my house and I also have a job. The company I went on storm work with must have requested me so I went back to work with them yesterday. Feels good to be back to work. Nothing new to report with my W it's still the status quo around here.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
Wow it's been a while since I've updated my thread. I've been busy at work and coming home and working on my house and up until today I've really not had much to report. My W has been pretty cold to me since Fri night. Not really speaking to me and when she does it's been short and with a miserable look on her face but I haven't let it bother me. Well tonight was no different except that she told me she is working on moving out of the house asap. I really had nothing to say to that other than ok. I don't know how to take this but I really had no reaction or panic that she wants to leave.
I'm really starting to realize that overall my W is just a very unhappy person when it comes to me and our boys. I'm not saying she doesn't love them I know she does but she spends as much time away from the house as possible. I guess at this point it's time for me to protect myself financially. I think it's in my best interest to open my own bank account so she can't run off with all of our money. Could use some wise advice here. Thanks
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
I'm ok SG I've been really busy at work. The Holidays were ok. I didn't go to my wife's nieces with her on Christmas Eve and I didn't go to her father's Christmas Day because I really didn't feel like acting like all is well only to come home to separate lives. I told my W this and she asked what she was supposed to tell people then when they asked where I was. I told her to tell the truth everyone will know sooner or later. I'm tired of this charade. New Years Eve I went to a friends party alone and my W stayed home in bed she said she wasn't feeling well. We normally go to my cousins house but I didn't want to go and put on an act.
Right now she is out at the movies with her brother. In light of my W lack of feelings for me I'm not so sure she will ever get them back. I guess I'm going through a normal thought process. I'm not giving up but I'm not seeing any changes she stills says she is working on moving out. Makes me think she isn't and that she is content on living this way and I'm not. I'm really missing some companionship these days. I'm also not sure what my DB should be at this point. I've had a lot of time to really assess what got us to this point and it's really the fact that we grew apart. We both lived separate lives. My W got used to doing things alone and she wants no part of doing things as a couple. It's been over a year since we've ML and we have no physical contact at all. So I scratch my head wondering what to do.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
Hi Leo, sorry about the painful limbo. I've been there and it is hard. Acting like you're together when you're out and then coming home to separate existences. It is fake and painful. Who are you protecting? S15 so that he doesn't know the marriage was in trouble, in case you end up fixing it? I did that. Your spouse, so that they don't have to suffer the judgment of family and friends in case you end up fixing it? I did that too.
All I can say, is eventually I got to the point where I felt hiding this was doing more harm than good, and then I started pushing to get out of limbo.
If you are ready for your W to move out, then ask her more questions and press for details, ask why she hasn't moved out yet. Move it along.
If you are not ready for that, then enjoy the fact that she is procrastinating, and don't worry about why.
As a W I believe that a lack of feelings comes from so many complicated sources that it is not a lightswitch that goes on and off. When times are good, and you like what you see, and the stars line up just so, I believe the feelings can resurface. They may be buried, she may think they're dead, they may resurface.
Whether or not they do, changes nothing for you.
You still need to get the focus off her, onto you. Get a life. What are you doing interesting? What are you doing for you?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I just read Ed's thread & noticed you've frequently commented on it. Interesting that you feel he's been waiting for so long w/o any positive steps forward & yet you have been in limbo for over a year (albeit your W hasn't moved out) and you are also stuck. Hmmmm.
Interesting also that in your profile you mentioned you maybe ready for D in October. I would follow ad's advice and push your W along to make a decision of some sort. LImbo [censored]. And it sounds like you don't feel like you can live in this same sitch for much longer.
I would lovingly talk w your W about where she is at w your R. If she brings up moving out, ask her more about this. It is interesting she hasn't moved out after so long talking about it. I'm guessing she is in the land of confusion & DOES still have feelings that she's suppressed. But, you are right it isn't a way to live to be in this state of stalmate.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Thx for the reply adinva. You are right about going out in public and acting fake it's just not me. Not that I want to announce to everyone hey look at us we have no R. I think it's my W who wants to protect herself from judgement of her family ridiculous if you ask me. I have gotten to that point where this limbo has to end one way or another and I'm ready for whatever takes place.
I don't feel like my focus is on her at all. I have plenty to keep me busy with work and working on the house. GAL has been on hold somewhat due to work but I'm ok with that. I've still had some time to myself to hang with my friends. 2013 will be an interesting year for me.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
