Almost Over...

[adinva]

Hi DeWayne, wow you said you were new but you are really new. You're doing a few things right. You are focusing on yourself and working on things you perceive are your flaws.

Slow down. This won't go as quickly as it seems at first. You don't have to make decisions when your world is turned upside down and you're confused. Breathe, and take this opportunity to open your eyes to who you are, what you want, and why someone would want to be with you. GAL, get a life.

Is she a multiple? The email you quoted with all the names a few posts back made me wonder if you were saying that without coming right out and saying it. That would certainly add complexity to your situation.

She sounds very immature, and you sounded a bit parental in your earliest posts..."we" had her sowing wild oats out of her system, "I sent her out shopping for some girl time" etc. If you get through this hopefully you will learn to be more equals. I don't think girls looking for daddy figures end up liking them as husbands in the long term. A good relationship needs to have two healthy whole independent people in it.

Nothing will be hurt, and everything will be helped, by reading and practicing the 37 rules you see posted on the sticky in newcomers. There is very good wisdom there and it is counterintuitive.

You mentioned that you think you got here too late. Everyone here did, and no one did. Too late to save your marriage, but the point is to save yourself. You'll come out of this worlds better if you really work the program, and your W may grow up and come back to you. But the marriage you had before is pretty dead.

I am so sorry for the pain you're going through. It seems like the worst thing in the world. I can barely remember feeling all that pain but I know I did. I filled up journals and many pages here. I can't even go back and read it yet.

I'm not in a place right now where I feel super helpful to other people, but there are others here who are really wise, learn to hear the wisdom and take it in. When you feel defensive, listen harder because that's usually hitting home for a reason.

You've presented your W so far as someone turbulent, immature, and unpredictable, saying she's happy and then turning her eye to other men. When you say you want to be with her, it's because you love her, what does that mean? What do you love about her? What about your relationship has been good? What did she see in you? What did you do together that felt like a lifelong match was a good idea? Give us some more background.

Vent all your frustrations and tears here, and give your W some space. Focus on doing interesting things with your time and being a great dad to your little girl. That is one thing that your W cannot rewrite or reject...a loving good dad is a great foundation for rebuilding.

Good luck to you and thanks for posting on my thread.