At least you know what his thoughts are, my h is probably thinking the same but won't tell me where he's at. He left a year ago but still comes over every day,would like to know why.maybe it's just to keep me from d ing him as he would stand to lose a bundle and it would be way too complicated. I see from your comments it is giving me false hope,that he really doesn't want to be here at all. I asked him if he was having sex with anyone and he said no ,which I'm sure is a lie,can't see him going that long without sex.he gives me a big hug and kiss every time he leaves which is why I am hopeful,just don't know why he won't come back.
I'm sorry, Tori, that you're feeling sad and tired today and I can understand why. You did really well staying calm. I feel frustrated with your H so I can hardly imagine how difficult it must be for you.
You've got great advice from FY and Labug. Your own words are also really wise.
I have complete confidence that you will land somewhere better at some point but take care making it through this tough patch. ((((( )))))
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
Tori, I give you all my love and support today. I too am going through these emotions. The girls are right. Focus on you. Loving someone doesn't mean waiting forever and it doesn't mean losing you.
Perhaps he will find his way back and find that one day not only can he be alone, but that he can do it with someone he loves by his side. I think that H sounds like he does not know who he is yet and that is something you just cannot give him. So you move on. When he is ready, you may not be there, but this is the journey you will make and the chance he will have to take.
Tori I am sorry you are feeling sad. I too think you did an amazing job of listening to your H and remaining calm and collected. That shows a lot of grace.
I also agree its time to pull back for now. In fact I think it's time for a of us to do so.
Sending you hugs and love.
((((( )))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Wendylon, Ruby, Andrew and Busting, I wish I could bring you all here and have ice cream sundaes together :-) I'm so grateful for your support and words of encouragement.
I've been having a hard time today. Maybe it's the fact that I only got 3 hrs of sleep, but the anxious feelings/need to escape are back. Being completely alone doesn't help either. My mom left for Florida, and I have no one else. I called a good friend who's like a grandmother and she told me she might be able to see me tonight after she visits her son. I hope so. I feel so lonely.
I was listening to one of my Wayne Dyer CD's, and he was talking about the need to detach to achieve happiness. He was talking about R with S's and children, and pretty much everyone. He says we must be able to love without thinking our happiness depends on being with the other person, and also to let our loved ones do whatever they want to make out of their lives. Still, though, it's very hard, esp bc of the way my H behaved during our past interactions. Even last night, after telling me all the stuff he told me, he wanted to continue the touching. He calls that "being friendly?" Yeah, sure. He does have a lot to grow up and learn. He even said this. He said he wants to be on his own and make mistakes and ultimately find what he wants. However, he's finding what he wants after being with me for 14 years, which makes me angry.
Thank you again, Ruby. I slept much better last night, though the nightmares were back and as soon as I woke up I started to cry. It's like being back to square one...
My H called last night to "see how I was doing." I made myself sound upbeat. He said he had nightmares the night before about hurting me with his words "I guess I still care about hurting your feelings" he said. I replied that anyone would care about hurting anyone's feelings, and that even if what he said had been hard to hear, it had been necessary and I was glad we had the conversation. I also said we should probably not share so much about dating. He said he also had a feeling he had shared too much.
Then he said, "I was thinking, we do have a long history together." Then he hesitated about what he was going to say next. I said to myself I wasn't going to fall for this again and take his comment as an indication of anything. I only said, "yes, we do."
We talked about our "level 3" friendship. He said that if he were dating anyone it might be awkward to go out with her and me. How could he even consider I would hang out with him and his OW? But I said, calmly, "well, this will not be possible." He then said that we could probably spend time together just the two of us (and leave the girlfrien behind) but it would be hard for him "to be good." I just listened. Clearly, this level 3 friendship will not work if either of us is with someone else. Whatever. I'm still angry, and don't want to care whether we are friends or not.
He wished me a good time on my trip to CA. I said I was really excited about it and would have fun (Even though I still feel like cancelling the trip bc I don't feel like spending all this time with his relatives.)
That was it. I read the chapter about detachment on the Wayne Dyer book. It's really good. Ironically, he talked about how he and his wife practiced detachment, so that he loves her and lets her do whatever she wants without trying to control her, and that this is the basis of a good M. A few years later, his W left him for OM. It makes me wonder...
