H is the type that has to hit rock bottom before he makes a change and honestly I don't believe he can make an honest change. He has no integrity, no character and no moral standards. I deserve better. My kids deserve better. I cannot and will not settle for less.
That being said I still grieve for what I thought I had. I honestly don't know if H is in midlife crisis or if he's just a bad person that pretended to be good for a long time?
Sometimes I wish I had a relationship so I could have someone for support but I know I'm not ready. I wonder if I will ever be ready again?
Lots of insight, WH. Very admirable.
I remember talking to my BIL right after this started for me. He said something similar about hitting rock bottom before changing. At the time, I had hoped she wouldn't hit bottom. I don't really care any more, but it is a scary place to be for many. Glad I won't be seeing it
Wanting a relationship to share your life with someone? That's normal if you ask me. Glad you have the presence of mind to know you're not ready. That'll save you a lot of grief. But you will have that again. Really just a matter of time and you being ready. You will be at some point.
As for whether or not you really had "it" with H... you did and you know it. Don't let him take that away from you. At some point, you'll be able to look back at those times in a healthy way and remember them fondly. Without the pain. It truly does happen and I hope that happens sooner than later for you. The good times were good times; they were not a lie. You didn't pick "wrong". He just has some issue to deal with. Kind of like people that have a car accident or cancer and have to deal with it.
Nobody has the right to take those memories away from you.
Here's to a happier and healthier 2013, WH. May you make many new happy memories!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
