Hi Sandi2, Thank you for your input on this. Yes i get what you are saying. I did at some point stop the contact and with the help of the DB couch started the contact. It was at that point my W started to reply.
This last few text of not replying i think is from the fact she see me having a good time and the biggest thing is that her friends and family contact me and invite me over. I think she did not know about this till a week or 2 ago. It waas at that point she well yelled at me and then went cold.. I was consistant on my contact untill she went cold.so i at this point did not want to loss what i gained but i also dont want to push her away. She is just very angry for me hanging out with her family and friends when infact she does not even hang with them. Her mom tells me all the time she misses her daughter and does not get it....
Hmmm ok well Im sitting here and i get a text from W. it was a reply from the last txt. also the same as she always does. She said same to you. im sure it is just to be polite, But why take this f' in so long.
Ok everyone, I hope every one here has a good year this year. I know i am hoping for a good year.
my only thing Im thinking about now is if I should wish W a happy new year. I am always the one who is reaching out so i want to see if she will say it first. But i can say it is hard for me. I am always saying happy thinks to every one i meat. Thats just who i am.
I'm thinking the same thing,have wished everyone else a happy new year and have heard nothing from him. I want to text him so bad but am holding out. I am staying at a hotel for a few days and didn't tell him that I wouldn't be home,he usually stops in a couple of times a day. Hope he's missing me!!
Those type of TM's from your W are exactly the way you should be doing with her. Wait for her to iniate the next TM and keep her waiting a while before you respond. When you finally respond, you keep it down to two or three words.
See how your mind is working reading her response? That should be her thinking about your TM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Those type of TM's from your W are exactly the way you should be doing with her. Wait for her to iniate the next TM and keep her waiting a while before you respond. When you finally respond, you keep it down to two or three words.
See how your mind is working reading her response? That should be her thinking about your TM.
Good point.Very good point..
So I should just wait to see if she says happy new year then?
I can almost bet she will not but i have been surprised before..
WOW ok I am sitting here working and I get a call out of the blue.. It was my Step Daughter. Her and her boy friend are coming over tomorrow. I have some fish in my tank that i want to give them. I just thought is was nice to call. She is a good kid.
She has come a long way from who she was. I am very proud of her.
Im sure my W will find out at some point and she will be angry at me for this. Even when i was not the one to tell her to come over...
No contact (NC) is not some magic tactic that every LBS needs to be doing. In her book Divorce Remedy, Michele calls it the Last Resort Technique (LRT). (for good reason I'd say)
Just because you stop reaching out to the WAS is no guarantee that they will miss you, but that is the hope with this technique.
One thing is for sure: If you don't contact her and she doesn't contact you, then you have absolutely nothing.
LF, do you think your W will miss you if you cut off all contact? I know you said you’ve tried it before and got no response.
Just letting her know you are still there is not pursuing behavior if you do it properly.
I'm not saying NC isn't worth a shot here, just giving you some more thoughts on the matter.
Instead of letting W hear about their visit later from others, what do you think would happen if you texted W "hey, D and BF are planning to stop by to see me today, I just thought you might like to know" ?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Thank you for the input on the FY. I am just really on the fence with all this NC. I do not know if she will miss me or just be happy that i am not contacting her. She is so hard to read. Even her mother said the same thing she does not know how she will react to anything anymore.. The mother is angry at her as well.
I will be talking to my DB Coach tomorrow. But i like the idea of just keeping contact but not pursuing her. But i think most of my contact has been that way. Not all but most. I feel bad that i did not say happy new year but I was waiting to see if she would tell me first.
As far as letting W know the D and BF are stopping by I dont know if that is good for one reason. The D keeps saying what goes on with W and me is your business. I just get the feeling that it may cause D more pain then happiness.
Like i said I am just at a loss with all this. Just sometimes i feel like why why am i doing all this is it worth it. Will she ever come around. I just think most her friends are feeding her alot of what to do but yet those same friends still talk to me. I just dont talk about W with them. One thing I can say is I think W is jealous about how well i am doing. not struggling and have a very nice home as all her friends tell me. Some want me to come to there house to decorate. Also W see all this and i have to send her late notice for the car that is in my name. so im sure she is very angry at everything. and yes it is all my fault
Well the kids just came and we talked for a few and it was very very nice. The D said we should do dinner. She Gave me a big hug. She is really doing well... I'm so happy for her...
they love my house and how I have it set-up.. I think that they were a little overwhelmed with everything. meaning the way the house was and how it is now....
I'm so impressed with how well she was doing is doing..
