Total F* up on my behalf. The night was disastrous. Something triggered me and I went to a dark spot. I suddenly was angry and depressed. At the end of my rope. I verbally went off on W outside of the bar we were at. Soon thereafter had suicidal ideation. Those thoughts stayed with me through this morning. I reached out to my mom and even called a crisis line. I have no clue, other than pent up thoughts and alcohol as to why last night happened. W woke up and said you want a D, well you're going to get it one. She knows of how low I am feeling. I truly am remorseful. I apologized to her, to the SILs for ruining their night. I called FIL and his girlfriend and apologized. The SIL were quick to say everything is ok, as was the FIL's girlfriend. FIL was the most understanding. He knows mostly the whole story about W and the OM, and understood my mistake. The talk with him made me feel the best. W has checked on me a few times.
I have no clue where this outs things for us. I do know I have more to improve. I don't know how or why I get like this. ???
