Thank you, Labug. I don't feel numb anymore, just sad, and tired.
No, I don't want to be in the fallback position. When (if) he wants to get our R back, I will probably be emotionally gone. But he wants to take the risk, so I'll let him.
It also grosses me out to think about him dating all these women, especially the one back in April, when he first said he was ready to move on. Now I know why he said he was ready to "move on"...he was already with this new woman. And when they broke up in June, that's when he approached me again--we had that period of closeness in July and August before his declaration in September that he had filed. So I thought his change was driven by my DBing but it was all bc of his breakup with whoever this woman is.
He acknowledged he can't be alone, which is something he told me in the past. He says that's the reason he called me to come over on Xmas Eve. He says he's constantly surrounded by people and somehow can not tolerate being alone. In the past he told me he needed someone right by his side as he fell asleep, holding his hand. When I said this to the coach, she said my H had problems that were beyond our M and me. That these issues would need to be addressed in the future, but that this didn't have anything to do with me. Does this make me feel better about the whole sitch? No. I still feel pretty low. But all I can control is the present and what I will do with my life from now on. I will continue GALing and will consider dating if I meet someone who I might be interested in. Using my H's own terms, I need to "move on."
