H's MLC started when BF murdered

[GatorGirl]

Duh. Yes. The anger only rears its head when we talk about our R, which is not often at all. He doesn't bring it up and I will NOT again (it was a foolish mistake in both cases).

Apparently yes, I do not have the plague! It was sweet and a reminder of the H I used to know rather than the Monster that has taken over. I keep reminding myself that I am the lighthouse and that I am doing all of this for ME. If he comes around, it will take some serious time and effort on his part and I know I cannot push him. This whole thing has been a huge blow to my ego and pride, in part because (like so many of us here), I thought I had the 'perfect' marriage. I feel like such a fool for believing it.

And regarding the ego, it's somehow worse when your friends tell you that "he's an idiot" or "he's making a huge mistake". I know it's not my fault, but you can't help but feel a little like a failure when he walks out and everyone else thinks he's making the largest mistake of his life. If I can play the role of Narcissus for a moment, I am a catch. I'm smart, pretty, funny, I have a good education, a fantastic well-paying job and two beautiful kids. And it really hurts that he thinks that there's something wrong with me and feels the need to walk away. My head knows that it's him but my heart is still shattered into a million pieces.

Have I mentioned that I am ready for 2012 to be over? Good riddance to the worst year of my life!