Sam, I think it's a bit early for a decision to be made about those holidays. You may decide you want those dates later on in the year. I would advise her that you will revisit her requests at a later date. Do not tell her what the later date is at this time.
Quite frankly, I think your wife is being extremely selfish and self absored right now and I wouldn't give up anything at this point in time. She's showing that she doesn't respect you or your feelings and until you take back your respect, she will continue to take and not give anything in return. Make her work for what she wants. Don't just hand over things to her because the bottom line is this, no matter what you say or do, you will be damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Did we not say she is acting like a teenager? Set your boundaries or she is going to walk all over you. She is not the person you married or knew pre-crisis. This person is the exact opposite of her.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
