Typical LBH, trying to DB

[sdo215]

Hello all, and thanks in advance to those that read my story. 

I am H33, have W35. M for six years, T for 8. From what I've seen here it's a pretty typical story: several years and two kids into our M, I start to pull away emotionally because of the stress in our lives. I try to be super husband and super dad, doing everything and trying to be as strong and in control as possible. W drops numerous hints about how she is concerned about me and our R, how she feels IC would help me, especially with accepting the the reality of having a special needs child (bipolar disorder) and a W that has bipolar disorder and several hospitalizations due to psychiatric crises. That she needs emotional support and wants to support me also. In my misguided attempt to handle those things alone I end up as more of a caretaker/parent for my W than a partner and H. I was (am?) likely also mildly depressed and pushed her away even more by refusing to accept her offers for help and support. I refused to see how I wasn't allowing her to be my partner or acknowledging her strength and abilities. 

So, in Sept 2012 she finally gets my undivided attention by saying that we need MC or she doesn't think she'll be able to stay in our M. She also says that she needs space to live her own truth, explore her feelings, and be around people that accept her for who she is. She has already found those people and is spending time physically with them when she can (they live two hours away in another state) and also using FaceTime with her iPad. She said that there might be a chance to reconcile, but was unsure. During this time I am doing all the wrong things. I pursued her, was whiny, needy, tried to remind her of the good times in the past, etc. pretty much the entire list of what DR says not to do.

In Oct 2012 she BDs and says that she wants to be separated. We can live in the same house because of our financial situation but can't sleep in the same bed or be intimate. I get the ILYBINILWY speech, as well as what an amazing person she thinks I am and how some other woman will be so lucky to have me someday. That destiny brought us together because i was meant to be the father of our kids and what an amazing dad i am. That I'm her best friend and we will always be friends because of our deep personal connection and the relationship we need to maintain for our kids, S6 and S3.

In Nov 2012 after seeing many clues, I confirm for myself that OM exists, and has existed since before BD. It is EA and likely PA. OM is her best friend's brother and is part of the biased shoulder group that she has chosen for her support. I have not directly confronted her about OM as I believe she would deny that R, be angry, and get in deeper with OM.

So, in Dec 2012 I discover DR and this forum. I've read DR once and have begun to implement some of the techniques. I've been doing what I can to GAL and 180. She took kids to visit OM and his family on the 28th, and go to  New Years Eve party, and will return on the 2nd. I began an exercise program and the last few days I have spent time with friends that I neglected for far too long. Its felt great to have fun and meet new people. I've spent time on these forums reading and trying to get some insight. I plan to locate a problem solving IC to open another avenue to improve myself. I need to spend more time honing in on goals for what I need to change in myself. I need to figure out what are my boundaries and implement them. I have to improve my 180s. I have to continue to tell myself that I cannot change W's choices or make them for her; I can only make choices for myself and become the person I can be for myself and my sons. 

I'm still very new to DBing, GALing, and the 180 so I appreciate any support and ideas that the community can brainstorm. Like most LBHs it seems that it took a stick of dynamite to get me to open my eyes, ears, and mind. Now that I'm here I need to recognize what I'm doing right and wrong and direct discussion of that is going to best serve my needs. So don't hold back, I need to use the time my W has given me as effectively as I can. 

Thanks to all that read this long first post. Hopefully I can get in some shorter ones soon. Any replies are appreciated. Good luck to everyone in the their own sitch's.