Wendy and RT, I read your comments a few days ago and they warmed.my heart and made me smile. Thank you! Oh, and that sounds like a good cleaning deal. Lol.
The past few days with W have been ok if not good. We have all hung out and stuff, including some drinks ob most nights. Last night W, the SILs, and I went to see the movie This is 40. W invited me to go with them. It was a pretty good movie. I don't think that W realized there was going to be many similarities in the movie to our sich (most everyone's sich on here to a degree). We had dinner afterwards, W asked everyone what their New Years Resolution was going to be. My answer, despite how I got here so far, to continue to blossom into a better person. W's is to be a better person, as she failed, was in the negative this year. I went to bed early, there was an awkwardness and I didn't want to deal with it. Something b/t SIL1 and W. Anyways, W was extra cuddly when she came to bed. I did lean over for a simple kiss and was denied. At least I tried and know where I am at (for at least last night). W has been making many forward / future statements about "us". I have been trying to deal with my own negative thoughts here and there.
Funny movies are good, Andrew! New experiences, especially good ones, will gradually rewire the R circuits. Keep trying small affectionate gestures. You'll know when she's ready for that kiss. Wishes for a great new year to you, my good friend.
So a little bit ago, W came to me and accused of me trying to make out with her. Lol. I simply told I just wanted a kiss. . All said by each in a playful manner.
More than half way into the night. W has sent several more flirty messages. Let's hope its not all alcohol induced. . Don't. Think it all is. Hope all are doing well and having a good time. Oops. W just came back and saw me posting. Oh well. Again, wishing miracles for everyone in 2013.
Total F* up on my behalf. The night was disastrous. Something triggered me and I went to a dark spot. I suddenly was angry and depressed. At the end of my rope. I verbally went off on W outside of the bar we were at. Soon thereafter had suicidal ideation. Those thoughts stayed with me through this morning. I reached out to my mom and even called a crisis line. I have no clue, other than pent up thoughts and alcohol as to why last night happened. W woke up and said you want a D, well you're going to get it one. She knows of how low I am feeling. I truly am remorseful. I apologized to her, to the SILs for ruining their night. I called FIL and his girlfriend and apologized. The SIL were quick to say everything is ok, as was the FIL's girlfriend. FIL was the most understanding. He knows mostly the whole story about W and the OM, and understood my mistake. The talk with him made me feel the best. W has checked on me a few times.
I have no clue where this outs things for us. I do know I have more to improve. I don't know how or why I get like this. ???
Andrew, sorry. It seems we're both having bad days, but I'm worried about what happened to you. See? Alcohol never brings anything good to anyone's life.
Anyway, I've also felt in the past that I didn't want to live--when I was at my lowest. I think in your case the alcohol and your feelings made it worse. But it's good you're going to see someone for help. You don't need to apologize anymore. Your W is reacting to last night's episode. She'll file if she wants to. All you can do is wait and see what she does. My guess is that she won't do it.
