Ruby, this is quite a change! I think it's great you had this conversation. I'll challenge you to think about a couple of things: -The journal. Sharing stuff about the past, esp if it's negative, might not be the best thing to do at this point. I know you needed to communicate this, but maybe it's best to focus on who you are NOW and your feelings NOW. -Intimacy. Yes, very important. The fact that this was one of the reasons he says he left is actually good, bc it means he might have little emotional attachment to the OW. In my case, my H started with an EA (we were intimate very often, so that wasn't the reason) and these A are a lot harder to overcome. -It's important he doesn't feel less about himself in your presence or in your friends' presence. Maybe you should ask your friends to respect him and your privacy. The friends think they're being supportive, but they're hurting the two of you instead.
Thanks guys. No mind reading and I think he has a lot to sort out himself. I will do everything I can to be included as he goes along his own path, but I am also prepared to be walking alone:)
Ruby, this is quite a change! I think it's great you had this conversation. I'll challenge you to think about a couple of things: -The journal. Sharing stuff about the past, esp if it's negative, might not be the best thing to do at this point. I know you needed to communicate this, but maybe it's best to focus on who you are NOW and your feelings NOW. -Intimacy. Yes, very important. The fact that this was one of the reasons he says he left is actually good, bc it means he might have little emotional attachment to the OW. In my case, my H started with an EA (we were intimate very often, so that wasn't the reason) and these A are a lot harder to overcome. -It's important he doesn't feel less about himself in your presence or in your friends' presence. Maybe you should ask your friends to respect him and your privacy. The friends think they're being supportive, but they're hurting the two of you instead.
Congrats again on this new happening!
Thanks Tori, I am getting to your sitch to catch up
I agree with the journal.. A lot of the time he said he had been writing the same things.
I will not ask friends because H said he prefers to keep that part quiet, but for my part I will start by not discussing H with friends and give more an air of support.
I agree emotional is tougher and he finally admitted to having his a few years back because she made him feel needed. As I said before, this is not a lasting R he is in, I feel it, but can I ride it out? Don't know....
Said again in quick text that I had his back and everything I said yesterday still stands. Also that I realize it is hard to trust me but I understood and would do my damnedest.
He said that he knows that now and it was funny how we communicate better now in separation than we ever did married
Talked with H today and he said he didn't remember a lot of the convo we had lol. I said I remembered more, and he apologized for a couple remarks he made.
Also said we should talk again without the alcohol and he said he would see what his schedule looked like and come out Friday maybe. ( he originally was only coming Sunday). I also said I was in town on Thursday if he wanted lunch.
I said thanks for convo, because I realize how much damage I did with my attitude and the way i acted in marriage and can only apologize because it is all I can do.
I also said I would be more fiscally open with the money I make, and would put all in joint so he could see. I don't make a lot, but I guess he felt that the marriage was what is mine is mine and what was his was mine as well, so that's a 180 for me, being so financially open.
He mentioned when did we want to start mediation and said that he knew I was busy the next two months, so March was fine. Also said things about moving forward like" you and the kids" etc. which is sad, but no expectations right?
I offered not to go to party tonight with mutual friends because of how he felt and also because a friend of mine just gave birth and the baby was born dead today
He said go, he was being overly sensitive to friends and if they saw our relationship improved that they would come to grips with things. I didn't want to say that everyone was fine with separation but not the fact that you found someone else( that they all knew) so quickly. But I am sure he knows that, whether consciously or not.
Also sent text that I had no regrets about anything Saturday night and no expectations either. That the only regret was he jacked my hormones and now my face is breaking out lmao!!!
No reply to that, didn't expect one, but that elephant can't remain in the room without being addressed. So I gave him the opportunity, hopefully, to be comfortable with it and to know that I realize it was an alcohol fuelled bit of craziness. I do not want him running in the other direction because he thinks that I expect things. He was quite clear today several times, that he sees us going our separate ways.
So, to the party tonight, getting a little fun streak of purple in hair, getting belly button pierced in a couple of days ( taking advantage of amazingly flat divorce diet stomach) and signed up for a half marathon, because I am stupid!!!!!
Have managed to talk a couple of friends into training for it though, so we will see.
Sort of reminds me of when I broke up with my first BF after 5 years. I had an irresistible urge to chop off my hair, so I did. And it looked great. Happy new year Ruby!
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
Ruby, purple hair and belly button piercing, huh? Cool :-) The half marathon? You can do it! Good for you.
You sound very positive. And the fact that there are still months to go before anything is finalized, is very good. It'll give you and your H time to continue communicating!
I like the purple and the belly button ring too ruby! Enjoy my dear friend!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
