Banjopicker, just read your topic. My advice is - forget about R talk. Your W is going through a rough patch and rather than helping her out you are putting pressure on her. Read your books, come to the forum to vent, but don't talk to her.
Instead, be there for her - cater to her needs, participate in her mourning and whatever else she is going through. Be compassionate, and helpful. Get her what she needs. I am sure she needs a lot of help with stuff - funeral and other arrangements - participate, even organize those. Acknowledge that she and her family are mourning, and they probably need to take care of that stuff. Just be there for her. Romantic time can come later.
