Thanks for the clarification, Subguy. I was putting too much stock in your W's statement, "I'm leaving because you have all the issues and you need to change not me." I'm not sure what problems of hers you know to be true. But I reiterate that problems are sometimes only a problem from the outside looking in. Your W may be content that she doesn't have the answer to your question, whereas you find it unacceptable. I'm not sure what to do in that case. I could give 20 reasons why H's messy office is a problem of his that he should evaluate, but that is still only my opinion. If he doesn't agree, or even if he agrees but does nothing about it, then what? I'm in the same position as you with your WAW in that my H is making decisions to my detriment that I can do nothing about.
Previously, I would have said I thought it was a cop-out on your W's part that she didn't voice her feelings. But the more I read about men and their avoidance of talking about feelings, and their fear of failure and shame, and how women are never supposed to say anything negative to men because it shames them and causes them to run and hide, etc., I can see why your W might not have even if she was a person that was open with her feelings. At least if she had ever gotten that message anyway. M's are hard. There's lots of conflicting messages. One book says communication is key, the next one says don't talk about problems, literally! ARGH!
I can't speak for your W. I can say I'm constantly looking at myself and reading and trying new things. It gets to the point where it all feels so completely artificial and I'm monitoring everything I do that it's hard to feel comfortable. It's hard to feel like it's worth it. And it makes you wonder what God/nature had in mind when man and woman were developed from the same species.
