Subguy, I think this is where I have an odd perspective on the failure of M, perhaps. It sounds to me like your W was content with who/what she was. Rather than continuing to expect you to change to accommodate what she needed, she opted to leave you as you are and release you (aka D.) Afterall, problems are really only problems from the outside looking in. It is very possible that your W reflected on herself and didn't see anything she needed to change, but could see a ton of things that she didn't like to deal with in regards to you. You, on the other hand, perhaps saw nothing wrong with your actions and could see a slew of things that she did that you took issue with. Who's to say which is right? Neither of you were happy with each other. Why is D such a bad thing in that case?
It's the same thing with my H's office. He doesn't have a problem with it. I do. Who's right? It really doesn't matter, and can't be proven one way or the other by human standards. But if H is not willing or able to pick up after himself, and I'm not willing or able to get comfortable living his lifestyle, then what is the value in staying together? Some contest to see who can tolerate more? Who can be the bigger martyr? It seems like "freedom" is a gift to both of us, even if it comes in the form of D. Not just because of the office, but the entire list of grievances we hold against each other.
She is not content with who/what she is. I've had many conversations with her and I know this to be true, yet leaving is the answer to her problems. She cannot answer the basic question as to why she is unhappy, she has told me, my counselor, and her friends that she does not know why she is not in love any more. When asked what have I done her answer is nothing that I can point out specifically. That does not sound like a reasonable answer to me. When asked why this is new to me she says, because I have been faking it for six years (really?? we could have been working on it for six years). When the couselor asked her why she has not brought this up her answer was, because I am not good at telling my feelings. None of this sounds healthy. She stuffed her feelings and now my family pays the price. I am no saint and I will own what i did in this marriage. BUT THE WAS needs to look at them self as well and quit blaming everyone else for their misery. I hope this is not you.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
