ILYBINILWY

[AJM]

It doesn't? To me, making that kind of choice and NOT fixing yourself is a bad thing. If you make that choice as KD did, AND do it for you and in the process fix yourself, I find that admirable and the best of all outcomes.

In theory, I'm on both sides of that, CV. My ex wouldn't have done well to stay. She couldn't handle it. I know, I watched as she went numb (depression) and made choices to try and fix herself. She blamed me for everything, and I mean everything going back to the first date. She still blames me for things that she does and doesn't like it when it's done to her like not sharing information about the kids. She explicitly says she doesn't want to co-parent, yet gets angry if I don't volunteer information.

Does that sound like a healthy person to you? Somebody who fixed themselves? Or somebody who just changed the scenery? Admittedly, she has other issues, but regardless she didn't fix herself. Not really fair to the man she ran off (that's his problem now). Not really fair to her either. She traded one husband for another in hopes of "solving" the issue.

I've seen many like that.

When all is said and done, I think (as an LBS in this case) that D is a bad thing because it treats a symptom but doesn't address the issue. It complicates things but the original issue is still there waiting to be dealt with. I know she suffers with her choice and never thought she would. I know she thought that she was doing the "right" thing by leaving. Since "everything" was my fault and would "never" change, she "had" to do it because she couldn't do "it" any longer (whatever that means to her.)

I rarely see divorce as an answer to the real problem. I rarely see it as anything other than change with a lot of avoidable destruction in most cases. I have seen it as a real answer and the only answer. Abuse is a case I have no tolerance for and understand the need to change that dynamic. But that's not what we're discussing.

Does that more directly answer your question as to why one LBS sees D as not the answer to the problem in most cases?

AJ