Wrong person ad. I did not write a poem or develop feelings for anyone . I hid stuff from my W and she was hurt by it yes.
25 if I can safely get you my cell phone would you be willing to talk to me about Ee and other stuff? Maybe get it to you through Ee or temporary email . I'm getting close to giving up and the only thing keeping me moving forward is my 3 and 6 year old
Oh gee, I'm sorry. I only read a small number of people regularly so I assumed I had them straight. Thanks for being a sport about it. Anyway, you said in your post a couple posts up that it was over the line, and that you hid it from your W. On that basis alone, that's an EA. If your W felt betrayed it's an EA, even if you didn't think it was a big deal.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Wrong person ad. I did not write a poem or develop feelings for anyone . I hid stuff from my W and she was hurt by it yes.
25 if I can safely get you my cell phone would you be willing to talk to me about Ee and other stuff? Maybe get it to you through Ee or temporary email . I'm getting close to giving up and the only thing keeping me moving forward is my 3 and 6 year old
S, tell EE you'd like me to contact you & I will, if that's fine by DB...
as for the EA, I see how you distinguish it, & since YOUR feelings felt "safe" to YOU, it seemed...safe.
But it really is (mostly) how SHE sees it that matters.
For now, I think you need to deal with a lot of your own personal inner issues and self esteem and let go of your w's issues.
If she were diabetic but refused to lose weight or take insulin,
there'd only be so much you could do about it. Same for drinkers who won't quit.
Growing up, I saw my brilliant PhD father drinking too much for decades and saw my mother and siblings AND SELF work for decades on HIS DRINKING instead of our own lives, our own GAL, our own r's and it's not right
and it's not healthy FOR US.
Stay in your sandbox and take care of it, let your wife manage her own.
If she can't do it, AND IF that's a dealbreaker for you, it'll be revealed in time.
But meanwhile you really do have a lot of your own stuff to own...so go own it.
Plus you'll set a MUCH better example to her, to yourself and to your kids
which will give you some credibility.
I mean, one drunk telling another to stop drinking, just doesn't cut it.
I'm not calling you a drunk. I"m saying that SHE sees you as a flawed man and when she sees you successfully working on YOUR STUFF
she may be a lot more willing to learn from you and MAYBE she'll look within herself, maybe she'll take the "inward journey"
once she sees YOU make it...
For now, I don't see her paying any attention to you and I see you spinning your wheels mightily, holding your breath til you turn blue, and for what?
Remember that saying, "Doing the same behavior while expecting different results - is the definition of insanity"...? Well, it really is a lesson to learn.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I confused "manyworries" with PON & suspect you did, too. No offense PON, but sometimes you two sound a lot alike. Plus you comment on each other's threads and quote each other in them, so it's VERY easy to think one is the other...
I had to go back to remind me of who is who...
ANYHOW, hope that clears it up.
I really do still feel that your wife is the same sitch as his
except without the love note.
But all the contacts with OWs and discussions about your marriage to family members (and others) are NOT cool
it violates marital privacy, and if I'm not mistaken, you were contacting your family about it a lot
- and to ME,
that would feel like you were betraying me and making me look bad to your family...
which would do what to your wife??? It makes it harder for her to want to stay. whereas you are supposed to-
Keep the road home, paved and smooth...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25 and others here is a scenario where I struggle. Happening today often. I ask W a question either related to kids or animals and I get completely ignored. I mean crickets.
I ignore her when she does it but its rude and its not like I'm asking for conversation piece . I'm asking question related to kids.
Sometimes I feel like saying did you hear me? I can see if I asked her how her day went but this is question about kids or pet
I get taking focus off her but we have to have some communication??????
25 yes I was discussing our problems with family members. At the time I felt I had no one to talk to about it. Now I realize it was wrong . She got upset and emailed my family telling them "her" side and to butt out of our business
25 give EE your Db Id? Will they know you by that? Also 9-5 est time is best. I'm back to work Wed.
no, not my DB name (though they actually might know me by that too by now)
but I already have your name. I'll be in touch.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25 and others here is a scenario where I struggle. Happening today often. I ask W a question either related to kids or animals and I get completely ignored. I mean crickets.
I ignore her when she does it but its rude and its not like I'm asking for conversation piece . I'm asking question related to kids.
Sometimes I feel like saying did you hear me? I can see if I asked her how her day went but this is question about kids or pet I get taking focus off her but we have to have some communication??????
Do you have to have it? I"m sincerely asking...
But of course it's not healthy to not speak at all. IT's so weird I'd probably laugh.
But are these questions things SHE might not think are needed, or are just lazy?
B/C I don't get why she can't answer normal inquiries...
I guess you could write to her ...anyhow, I think you'll see things more clearly soon enough
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25 and others here is a scenario where I struggle. Happening today often. I ask W a question either related to kids or animals and I get completely ignored. I mean crickets.
I ignore her when she does it but its rude and its not like I'm asking for conversation piece . I'm asking question related to kids.
Sometimes I feel like saying did you hear me? I can see if I asked her how her day went but this is question about kids or pet
I get taking focus off her but we have to have some communication??????
Obviously you can't force her to talk, but I agree, especially regarding the kids there are things she needs to be aware of or allowed to have a say in.
I would advise not ignoring her non comment, unless you want to continue to receive more of the same. I would respond in a calm and courteous manner, acknowledging the fact that you offered important information, and she refused to comment.
Next time she gives you the silent treatment, wait a few seconds and try this:
"Ok, I thought this matter was important and that you should know about it/have a say in it. Unless you want to discuss otherwise, this is what I intend to do." and leave it at that. Don't stand around waiting for response, because that's pressure. Leave the room, give her her space.
You did your part of being a responsible parent, you can't force her to respond. My guess is after a few times of making a note of her non comment on important matters, she will begin to say something.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
...anyhow, I think you'll see things more clearly soon enough