I wish there was a way to resequence these posts. I'm afraid they're going to read out of context because of the over-posting. Oh well, hope for the best.
Knightyme, I also understand the oblivion part of men, at least as you've explained it. I had gone a step further and was referring to what I've read repeatedly in that the 5 most frightening words a man can hear are, "Honey, we need to talk." I understand that doesn't apply to *all* men, but it definitely applies to my H. I also agree that there is a *lot* of communication that goes on without ever saying a word. We all would do well to pay attention to those things.
I'm curious, though, what are the "several solutions" to the office issue that you hinted at? There are certainly deeper issues, but I had this problem with him even when we were first M'd and madly in love. I have the issue with my S12 whom I obviously love dearly. I hope you'll just trust me when I say that I'm not anal about it, just driven more by practicality. I can't stand spending 45 minutes looking for a receipt because someone didn't take 15 seconds to file it, for example. And that's commonplace with us, unfortunately.
Quote:
In the middle term, instead of reacting to her as I usually would, instead of stoking the flames... I find it easier to roll with the punches and short circuit the death spiral we get into.
In the long term, W will recognize that she's the only one in the fight and perhaps... perhaps... figure out that she can approach me without the fear that I'm going to go into lecture mode.
I like this. It's not terribly applicable to my sitch, but at least somewhat. I've done this (I think) in regards to H and his intense dislike for conversation. There were certainly obvious clues that I missed in the past. The 2x4 for me was his using an entire counseling session a couple weeks ago to address it. Not to figure out how to better deal with it, but how to get out of it. Okay, done. I'm not into beating my head against a brick wall. Consider this one of the things I accept as not being able to do anything about. So I don't approach him and let him approach me if he wants. He doesn't, so it's nice and quiet. Maybe in time. I hope I'm willing to talk when he wants to.
I commend and envy your spiritual faith. He's always been too quiet for me. Okay, okay, I've always been to deaf to Him, I get that. I still try, though, probably always will. What better path is there?
