Some progress after 2+ months of DBing

[mamabird]

Sometimes, I worry that H gets to be emotionally distant and yet reap all the benefits of being part of a family. I do still pursue him with conversation (not R convo) but I've noticed that I'm sort of needy for contact around him. I don't disturb him as much as I used to but if he enters my sphere, I pounce on him with words. I will try to pull back a bit and see if that makes any difference to him approaching me.

I think that's a great strategy. I know that I am emotionally needy (or was) around my H. It was the classic pursuer/distancer paradigm made small. He would be so withdrawn, and he knows it rips me apart because I've told him. Then, he'd bring up something I put in an email 3 years ago - "I thought you needed more space." Endlessly frustrating. It's definitely a DB principle to be spare with your words and just go about your life, smiling.

Bottom line - everyone's sitch is different. My own parents D and they both say they wouldn't have if they'd had it to do over. On the other hand, I have friends who are D or on their way to D and it's very clear that they are making the right choice (one's H is gay, another's exH was just a big loser and she's married to a great guy now). In any case - it's a tough road. For me, I'm weighing which pain is going to be worse. Right now, it's looking like the emotional pain I'm enduring in my current sitch is worse, because I see no light at the end of the tunnel. I feel enslaved in so many ways and I just want to be free... plus this current situation is not good for my boys.