I think it is good that you have decided not to pursue a new job right now. I believe this will create some stability for you to stay where you are for now.
It must have been very painful to write the email to H. Give yourself time to grieve and go through the emotions. Feel them and process them so you don't hold them and fester them.
I am not very good at the advice. Please take care of yourself and take things slow.
Thinking of you (((( ))))
Commando style!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Journalling 20 days since I last posted here. I have been moving forward - slowly. I am doing good - I feel lighter and lovelier :-)
H and I have had some coms via email re assets etc I am very straight talking/factual - no emotions Strangely now he responds v openly immediately and with emotion.
We hope to keep lawyers out of it as much as we can and he is in no hurry to sell the house tho now I just want to move on physically as well as emotionally. Originally I figured I would try and buy him out but I want a new chapter including somewhere else to live but financially it makes sense to stay here til it's sold. If the market stalls then I guess we could rent it out but I want to cut all connections
I took some legal advice but decided to not try and petition H until after the holidays so have an appointment with a L on January 2nd at 1430hrs (30mins free). I have already filled in the petition form and will take it with me for checking and then post it to the court.
I sent H a Christmas Card - I want us to be amicable - afterall we spent a decade or so together - even if I felt dead much of the time. Even in the early days, I said marriage felt like concrete boots in the reservoir and that my life had stopped. Canada Girl certainly went AWOL.
I am still surprised at my change of heart I have done a lot of thinking recently about why it took me 2 years to get to this point. I guess you have to be truly done to live with your decision and H continued to pull me back from walking away with smaller gestures - even a x at the end of a text. I have thought about my morals/values. I believed marriage was for life hence my refusal to give up BUT there were times when I wondered why when we weren't happy together.
I have also thought about my self esteem. Something was preventing me from putting my Self first until November when I visited a friend who I had last seen 12 years ago fresh out of a miserable marriage. These days she is remarried and very, very happy. It made me realise that I was settling for something when I didn't need to. I know I still need to work on valuing my Self and that will be my focus for 2013.
I want only lovely things and lovely people in my life from now on and anyone who makes me feel less than will not be entertained.
New relationship This is still moving sssslllloooowwwwllllyyyy Tho we are spending ALOT of time together Being kissed by someone for the first time in 7 years makes me weep for what I settled for but when I cry he just holds me til the feeling passes - H used to tell me to grow up and walk away. Such a response from new man just highlights what I was missing...
We are keeping it under wraps for now - who knows where it is heading but it makes me feel more alive than I have in years. I also don't want anyone judging me or him re my sitch. Technically I'm married and I have issues around this.
He understands and says he has already waited a couple of years and a few more months won't make any difference. I really hope the D goes quick.
For anyone who reads this I wish you BIG smiles, lots of laughter and the relationship you want in 2013
Tumbling x
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
I watched Audrey Hepburn Funny Face over Christmas and there's a song on it called "On how to be lovely" My mom, her friend and I - after too much G&T - played the song 3 times, learned the steps and danced around the living room. H would have scoffed at that!
Good for you on seeing things with some clarity, Tumbling. I think sometimes we are so used to filling in the cracks in the R, smoothing things out, making it all better, that we can't imagine not doing that.
Best to you in 2013!
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
It's great to hear from you Tumbling. I've missed you :-)
You sound strong and I am happy for you. I guess we all know when our time is.
Here is to a very happy and peaceful and commando style 2013!
Lots of love x
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I'm so happy for you! You sound happy. Life is so short and we need to be happy and feel accepted for what and how we are. I'm glad you are putting this sadness behind you.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
I missed you, Tumbling. Thank you for the update (the happy update.) I'm sure this is still hard for you, but you seem to be clear about what you want.
Keep posting and keep cheering us up! :-) Thank you for being there for me. I'll never forget BTB.
