You are doing more and more things independently and look where you are going! You've hooked up a DVD player all by yourself and everything is working perfectly. You and your girls are moving forward by leaps and bounds and you've been workin as well. The job may end soon, but you will have some work history to put on your resume. You'll find another job very soon. Your confidence is much stronger these day.
Your h may be one of those mlcers that will be angry for a very long time...it's his choice to be that way. It takes a lot of energy to remain angry all of the time. He's mad at the world and you know what? He'll get over it in time or he'll be an angry old man in short order.
I'm sure your little girl was cute in the video. I'm glad you sent one of the inlaws and to your h. I'm sure your inlaws enjoyed the video.
I'm glad to see that you are moving forward and not waiting in one spot. You have a lot to be proud of! Always remember...don't see yourself short...you are the prize!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have been meaning to post for the past week to announce how well I am doing and my positive attitude. Somehow I never got around to it.
Now that things have gone bad I have found a way to post.
My stbx took his girlfriend with my girls to visit his family in massachucettes for the past 2 days. H didn't tell me but the girls did when they got home.
Girls also were wearing matching hello kitty necklaces that she gave them.
I hate her and I hate my hate h. How could they pretend it's peachy replaces the girls mother in the passenger seat with ow? They are delusional.
I lost it in front of my girls when I found out the necklace was from ow. I cried. I told them they only have one mother and that ow is not in their family. I wanted to tell them to hate her. That they should never give her a hug. I did sob in front of my girls and that made them upset.
How do they sleep at night? I am not a monster nor was I ever a monster. What they are doing to my girls is so wrong.
I am sure no one in his family thought it was okay that he show up with ow.
I doing okay. I went to my parents house.
Please no 2x4. Only words of hope
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
First things first. If you believe your h is in crisis, then you have to really believe that he is thinking or rather not thinking, like a teenager.
Now MLC doesnt give him a free pass on his behavior, but, it does give you an understanding of why he is acting as he is.
He is in his own lalaland. And he knows something isnt right. So he tries to eliminate the person closest to him - you.
He thinks now he has an ow - everything is going to be ok. He will learn that isnt so. And then he will try something else. Unless or until he looks inside - he will not be able to fix it.
This really is his journey. And you just need to get out of the way and let him walk it.
Your concentration needs to be on yourself and your children. And you DO NOT want them to feel like they have to choose. You do not want them to be without their father in their lives.
Trust me, they know who mommy is. They only have one - always and forever.
And you have been given the incredible gift of being able to show them how to navigate through whatever life throws at them. Trust me, they are watching. No matter what age they are.
You want them to feel loved and secure, by both their parents.
So, it really is important that you keep the focus on the positives in their lives.
And it is really imperative that you show them strength and courage.
You are their touchstone, B. If you are ok, then they will be.
And they will be. They have you as their mom.
So, you had a backslide. Now you know better and next time you will do better.
Allow your anger to propel you forward, and dont allow it to weigh you down.
I am with you. H is just dying to replace me with OW so the kids can see her as a mother figure. I am taking steps to make sure she cannot easily replace me, but honestly, in a few years I think H will have another OW when this one fails to meet his needs or if his needs should change.
I am sure the kids regard her as "dad's friend" and she is just trying to buy their love. They don't want to betray you that's for sure. They don't understand but you know that.
I am on your side. This stinks. It's unfair and we as LBSs feel like we are being punished when we are not necessarily doing anything wrong.
It's best just to calm down and know karma will catch up to them eventually. I know that doesn't make you feel better now. I totally get that. But try to be the better person. Imagine if OW bought those necklaces just to ticking off. You're playing right into her hands.
Trust me. I know how much it hurts. Why can't they just spend time with their kids? They are insecure and scared and weak. They can't do it alone. They need someone to lean on.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
To touch on two things that unworthy and w,h mention...
Yes, remember that it is not so much the "acting" like a teenager, but they THINK like a teenager. There is nothing wrong with going out, having fun, even "letting it all out", now and then...
What is telling is the rationalization, justification, and irresponsible or unresponsible thoughts that go on in the minds of a MLCer. Looking only at the pleasure of a moment, without considering the harm it may cause anyone in the moment or in the future.
My W does a lot of things still, and thinks the kids are OK and will be OK, being witness to these pursuits for her happiness. They aren't OK, directly and indirectly due to W's and my behaviours and what has and is going on between the two of us. But she can't / won't see it or acknowledge it.
On the gift thing, while it may not be true that OW was intentionally trying to hurt you or push your buttons, considering that as a possibility might help you work through what is going on. Same goes for your H. You can assume love, from your H but you can also be open to possible motivations other than a misguided attempt to love you that isn't working.
One of W's OM has been in the habit of engaging my kids in a way that, generally speaking, only really good friends or relatives (or parents) might engage kids. Including that of buying gifts. While I strongly suspect that he is trying to by my W's love, by catering to the kids directly in this way, I could also be open to the idea that it is some unconscious dig at me by him.
No matter how offensive it might feel for me, if he wants my W, he can have her, but they are my kids and no matter what he does, that can never change.
OW has sent cupcakes and toys home with H for our kids. I can't take them away because the kids don't get it. After a while those cheap, crappy toys were forgotten and somehow found their way to the garbage, as did the cupcakes. The OW being a substitute mom probably won't last, but you being the real mom will.
When I get upset I fast-forward to the moments when I know the words "you're not my mom" will be uttered. My kids are very attached to me. They know what's real and what isn't. I try to have faith in my kids and God. Pray BK. Pray and you will get the answer you need.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Kaffe thank you thank you for your thoughts. You are so right my husband is a teenager. He dresses like a teenager, drinks like a teenager and acts like a teenager. It is becoming easier and easier to get over this guy
W/h I find it so unbelieve that these woman are so dumb that they think giving gifts to our kids is appropriate. What jerks!
I think in my case ow thinks she is being so nice to my kids. Her intentions are good she is just an idiot.
My h on the other hand would be happy for me to "over" react to this inappropriate behavior so he could call me crazy.
Tina fey says men call woman crazy when they don't want to sleep with then any more.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
