KD, (and AJ,) you're so hyper-analytical at times, I really don't know what to do with it. You'll go way down a rabbit trail that you (and I) can't possibly come up with answers to. Is that really how my gm feels even if she said so? I don't know. And does she know if that's how she really feels or not or is she perhaps rationalizing? Who could possibly answer that question? And I have to say I really don't think it's relevant to my sitch whether she does or not. My gf is dead 20 years now, it's not like I'm going to see the way they interact differently. I may have formed my opinion based upon my perspective, but I didn't form it in a vacuum. And whether I'm completely right or completely wrong in my interpretation of their R, the only thing that's relevant to my sitch is that I knew I didn't want a R the way I perceived theirs to be. That really was the only point I was trying to make. (Only one note: I think it's absurd to think that any W in her right mind would value being treated like a servant, first by her H and then by her 5 boys that followed in daddy's footsteps.)
AJ, I don't know what my H is still getting out of the R, so I don't know how my perspective can be skewed. I know what he used to like because he told me. I know that he would like those things again, because he told me. Other than that, I don't know what you're referring to. I don't know why he's hanging on, other than hoping he can get back what he used to have. He at least knows that I'm capable of pleasing him, whereas he still claims he doesn't have a clue what to do for me (yes, I've told him.) He isn't changing anything otherwise to have things be different. I think I missed the point behind your comment.
Yes, sorry AJ, but you missed the mark on your paraphrase. And I suspect if that's the general attitude of the LBS toward the WAS's sitch, then it's a wonder that any M's are saved with MWD's approach or any other for that matter.
BTW, you didn't answer MY question. I asked how in the world do we "figure it out, together" when R discussion is completely off the table? And, no, I'm not assuming this to be true about my H, I know it to be true. He has pointed it out to me. He's said to me, "Thirty seconds ago, I was cold. Now look at me. All you have to do is start a conversation and I'm instantly hot and sweating, and my heart is pounding out of my chest."
