H's MLC started when BF murdered

[GatorGirl]

Thanks FY. Feeling better today. I cannot control him. I can only control me and choose what I think is best for me. My mantra so far through this whole thing has been "peace and patience". Overall, I think it's working. I am at peace more or less with the situation, as I have released the thought that I can control it. I am being mostly patient (with a few momentary slip-ups within my own head) and that's what he's seeing at least.

I set boundaries regarding our home when he moved into his rented condo almost two months ago. He lived with his parents for about six weeks then got a place of his own and took his furniture and such with him from our house. At that point, I asked him for his keys and garage door opener and told him I wanted some privacy. He tried to give me some BS about needing access to the house to help take care of the dogs if I went out of town since his new place won't allow pets and I told him that if he rented a place that doesn't allow animals despite (at the time) owning two dogs, that it was his problem. I reminded him that this was his choice and that he would have to care for the dogs if I cannot at his time and expense (as I got 'custody' of them and the kids). I told him that my home will not be used as a kennel for his convenience. I had an alarm system installed about two weeks after he moved out his furniture and he doesn't have any of the codes for it. It has not been brought up since. I hope I didn't go too far with keeping him out of the home we shared for nearly nine years but I feel like I needed to draw a line somewhere in that regard. I don't have anything to hide and honestly, he could come in and it wouldn't be illegal, but I just want a place where my stuff is private.

We don't talk about anything but the kids and money. He hasn't brought up any talk about seeing a L in a while but I expect it after the first of the year. He has also not made any attempts to discuss our R. I made two slip ups in that department, one about two weeks after he moved in with his parents and once again the day the dog died. I think I've already mentioned that both of them were epic fails where he told me I was selfish, never did anything for him, that he always took care of me and I never took care of him, that we never did anything he ever wanted to...the list goes on and on and I have learned that it's part of The Script. He did mention in the most recent "discussion" that his anger had finally just simmered down to the point where he could talk about things. I'm not sure what that means exactly and honestly, I'm not really looking into it.

As always, I welcome comments and wisdom from those of you that have been here...