It all seems like a lot of potential drama/and stress on you, when things are so early and uncertain between you and H. Just my two cents.
Personally, I would wait until he proves himself a little more before inviting the fam back into the relationship.
I can relate. My inlaws are wackadoo. They invited the OW for Christmas dinner and we aren't anywhere near divorce proceedings. My D18 took the brunt of it and demanded OW be uninvited (H lied and said I wouldn't allow the girls to attend if OW was there--I, however, had no idea OW had been invited). Has the markings of my MIL and H all over it.
When D18 called the OW a slut yesterday at another family event (without the OW), my MIL defended the OW and said it wasn't her fault and, then, spent the next three hours putting me down and blaming me for H's inability to finish college.
Controlling mothers in the MLC-ers life seem to be a common thread. Anyway, I'm TRYING to let it roll off. I spent a lot of time picking some nice Christmas gifts for them, only to have them invite OW (and my kids) to spend a family Christmas and their house and, then, send me a mediocre candle for a gift.
As far as I know, OW didn't go to the dinner. H called it off at the last minute and felt rotten afterwards when he saw the pain he caused. Of course, the rotten passed and the two happy clams are prob back to smoking grass and drinking together.
Anyway, my point---and I do have one... You have had a time away from them in your life, at least full blown. Maybe, don't give that up just yet. Truthfully, having my inlaws OUT of my life has been on the pro list when I think of splitting from H for good. I enjoy my life much more without them in it. Still, the kids will have to fend for themselves so.....? who knows.
When I imagine the holiday without my in-laws and H's drama, the holiday would've been painful without H----but we would have lacked so much of the crazy drama. Looking back over the years, they have contributed so much to our stress, chaos and unhappiness because of their unhappiness and immaturity. It's really sad.
My girls came home from a Christmas dinner at their home last night...depeleted, hurt, exhausted and diminished. They spent a good three hours putting me and my oldest daughter down. All this in front of D10 who was wise enough to see that they were being "mean." And, strangely, suddenly, supporting the OW in front of the kids. So weird. My FIL is a former judge and local big sh!t, but they are now defending this very drug-addicted, unstable woman who has caused their grandchildren countless hurts. It's so hard to get.
I guess the crazy fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. My good friend listened to the latest drama yesterday and remarked, "Wow, no one in that family really understands loyalty or unconditional love." How true and how sad.
Hang in, sounds like you are doing awesome.
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
