Yes, she is dating, as am I. I am just doing it, well, because I don't want to (: When I find myself running away from something, like dating, I try to recognize that I am running away from it and instead embrace it. If then, after embracing it, I still continue to feel like I don't want it, well, then I'll stop. But I don't want to not do something simply because I am running from it - I don't like running from things - I like running towards things.
With regards to reconciliation, do I want it, yes, I want it. Is this the time to consider it? No, it's not. I need to sort myself out, she needs to sort herself out. We both need to see what it is like w/o each other. I can make all the changes in the world, if she refuses to see it, she won't see it. We remained in love with each other for over 20yrs after high school, we ended up reconnecting 20 yrs after being high school sweet hearts, we ended up getting married and having an amazing, intense, deep, and love filled 5 yrs. And lastly, the final 6th year, when we ended up separating and divorcing was the trigger for me to learn more about myself than I had ever known my entire life. The last 6 yrs has been the most energy filled, love intense, fulfilling, personal reflection time of my life. Some people never come close to that their entire life. I am so lucky I was able to have that in my life. The chances of all that happening were all very unlikely. Getting back together after 20yrs and still being in love and getting married? All very unlikely. I am going to continue living my life and working on myself for myself. And when I am ready, and IF I still want to, I will contact her, share with her what I would like to happen, and the ball will be in her court...
