My wife wants to separate

[SM34]

Thank you for the reality checks guys! Sorry about the typos, I will stop typing responses from my phone because they never come out right. I am at a computer now so let me see if I can type a decent post.

Yes my wife has grown to love sex. She never used to be so into it, but after the birth of our baby, and her turning 30 shortly after, her sex drive went through the roof. Plus I still think it was compensating for the emotional emptiness. She takes care of a 2 year old the whole day and then complained that when I get home I am emotionally drained and there is nothing left for her. She is right and I have been working on that big time! I have changed things around at work and delegated more of my daily tasks to employees just as she has been suggesting for years. I am testing out the ability to leave early to come home without the business falling apart. So far so good.

The last couple days she has not been going to stay with OM. day before yesterday, she started having a deep discussion with me. Seh kept on saying if you want me to move out, I will move out. Even though I never asked her or hinted to wanting her to move out. She also said she needed 'us' to get her a fuel efficient car so she can make the 1.5 hour drive there and 1.5 hours back without breaking our bank. I made the comment that OM had promised her all these things would be taken care of (I now realize maybe that comment was not the bets idea) but I told her in any case, I am there for her. I wanted her to feel how inadequate OM is and will be in solving these manly things. I am the king at negotiating car leases and deals, and have always gotten us a deal that no one could believe.

She also was saying that she doesn't want me to think she is taking advantage of me, and she started crying. then she was blurting out utter rubbish and saying that the way I see it, I clean your house, take care of your laundry and YOUR daughter, in return for the financial assistance you are giving me. honestly I was shocked! I cannot believe our 14 year relaltionship and the fact that I have NEVER asked her to pay for anything or to work, and this is how she is viewing the situation? Also, our daughter is OUR daughter, not my daughter alone! I did not seize this opportunity to again show her that my love is unconditional and that I was supporting her financially still, because I care for her and because she is the mother of my child, and not because she is doing the house work for me. I want to say that this is not my W talking, and this is either OM or her friends telling her that I should be giving her money because she still cooks and cleans etc. She knows how I feel about these things. She knows I have always said in the event that we are not together anymore, I would still do the right thing and help her since she gave up her career etc.. to be a stay at home mom. At the same time,. I don't want it to be too comfortable because then that makes it easier for her to move out! I am tyring to remind her of the promises OM made to her, and how none of that is happening, but I know I am not supposed to talk badly about OM and also not expressing that I resent her or anything negative like that. She has to realize on her own that I am a good man, and that I can work on pleasing her in the ways that I have fallen short recently.

When I told her I wanted to make sure that her friends and OM where not talking badly about me, and that I am here for you, to listen and to be your friend because I care about you and don't want to see you get hurt but at the same time I don't want to find out I am being taken for a fool. I told her I hoped that she was sticking up for me to her OM and friends or anyone else that might say something negative about the father of her child and the man that has sacrificed so much for her for all those years. She got emotional and said no, absolutely not. My friends have nothing but good things to say about you. She says her best friend chewed her out when she found out the first day (OM's sister in law) although I know otherwise from looking at her messages in her friend. Thats the same girl who when my wife said "I fell sorry for H having to take care of our daughter on his own" her friend said "He wouldn't have needed to if he had taken care of his marriage". Also, my W had taken a screen shot of that particular part of the conversation! Not sure if she had sent it to OM or perhaps she keeps it in her pic gallery so when she feels any guilt about what she is doing, she can open up that pic and read it and gte reassurance that this is all my fault and that she shouldn't blame herself.

I was also accused of not trying very hard to fight for our marriage. I explained to her that you don't know what it is like to feel betrayed by your spouse and find out they are seeing someone else because you have never been through that, and I hope you never will. She then said yes, OM keeps seeing he feels bad for you because he knows how it feels because his last relationship ended 4 months ago when his spouse was cheating. So there could be something inside this guy that wants to do this to someone else just like it happened to him! She also says OM's parents, who don;t actually know me but know of me for many years now, keep asking W how I am doing with this. She says they are surprised I am taking this so well. This is when you wonder if DBing and "acting as if" is doing you any favors, but I trust the process!

After the emotional discussion, I broke the ice by telling her come on lets have some of the home made ice cream I made while you were out. MIL got me an ice cream maker for xmas so I made W's favorite ice cream while she was out. She LOVED the ice cream and we had a great evening chatting and laughing together, after we have both shared an emotional hour (I even choked up a few times). I felt like we were making progress with being close again after the last few weeks she has treated me like I have a contagious disease. She even gave me a little hug and a kiss on the cheeck! She also mentioned she had not taken her Zoloft in a few days (I have blamed her emotionaly blunting on the Zoloft from the start of this). So I was happy that perhaps she will stop taking it and her emotions for me would come back, but then I realized she is probably wanting to stop taking it so she can actually orgasm with OM. Damn it! lol

My legal birthday is Jan 1st but today is actually the day I was born (long story). Anyway, this morning I said to her, do you know what day it is today? It took her a minute but then she said yes, its your birthday! Happy birthday. But she said it casualy and seemed to have no desire to give me a hug or kiss or anything like that. It hurts guys! It really REALLY hurts. She is a person who takes birthdays so seriously, more than anyone you will meet. She gets me gifts, she starts saying happy birthday days before, and days after. She makes me dinner, rubs my back and all that. This year, the first time in 14 birthdays, I got a simple happy birthday while she was doing something on her phone, probably messaging OM.

Am I going in the right direction? I am confused as to what my general approach should be. When I act as if, I come across as emotionally unavailable which is her main complaint about me. When I am super friendly and treat her with respect and joke etc.. she said I feel like we are good friends, and that is what we have been for a long time,... just friends. That made me so angry! No we haven;t been just friends! We made love and we made memories, all the way up until a few weeks ago when this jack ass appeared out of nowhere!

At this point in my sitch, what should I be aiming for? Being her friend? Showing her love? or distancing? I am so confused now. I thought I was doing well until all of this happened in the last few days and made me wonder if I am pushing her further away by acting fine with this whole thing.