Finally she called me and told me that she was no longer sexually interested in me (I'm a fat guy, was at 425lbs. as of October 1st.)
When she tells you things like this, don't argue with her!! She's being helpful to you, she's telling you exactly what the problems are. So listen to her and do 180's on those things!! Don't say you'll change and then go back to old routines, show her through ACTIONS.
Quote:
and that she was looking at other men and one guy even made an advance towards her which she told him that she was married. I think this was a ploy to get me to start taking better care of myself like when we were dating
I doubt it was a ploy. If she's no longer attracted to you then she's going to look elsewhere.
Quote:
Called her a cheater, wrote on Facebook to all of our friends what she was doing, all kinds of stupid stuff. I admit, that was DUMB.
Very damaging to any attempts to reconcile.
Quote:
This happened around the middle to end of October. Middle of November I flew out to spend a weekend with her and there wasn't much coming from her. Even though I started going back to the gym, eating much better, and working on getting us caught up in the finances.
Great, those are good things. But understand, this is a marathon, not a sprint. It's going to take months and months of her seeing your improved behavior before she believes it's for real. Be patient, do not expect a sudden turnaround. It took her months or years to get to this point and it's going to take that long to turn it around too.
Quote:
Finally, because I didn't feel I could trust her anymore I tracked her cell phone and she found out. Now, I know that was dumb and there was a little voice in the back of my head telling me to NOT do it but I wanted to know where she was going.
Nothing good ever comes of this. You either find things out that you didn't want to know or she finds out what you're doing and it sets back your reconciliation attempts. Leave her alone. You need to give her time and space to sort things through.
Quote:
This past December 8th, she asked for a separation, said she wanted to be free from me, the finances, everything. She felt smothered and being tracked, etc wasn't helping the situation.
Use this opportunity to give her the time and space that she's been asking for. Leave her alone!
Quote:
I know I am not perfect, and I know I made mistakes, but I also love my wife even after all of the things she has done to me.
So what are you doing about it? Make yourself perfect. Make yourself the spouse only a fool would leave.
Quote:
We have one more counseling session on the 28th and then she is flying to see my Jan 10th for a week.
Read the sticky at the top of the forum (Sandi's 180 tips). LIVE those tips, ALL of them. It's critical that during this time with your W you show her a different you, someone who is strong, confident, independent, good looking. Even if you're still carrying extra weight you can still spruce up your wardrobe, wear cologne, always be clean and well manicured. Don't be the needy slob she left, be the guy she was attracted to early in your R.
