Mother-in-law passed away a couple days ago. W and father-in-law kept up a 24 hour vigil for about a week at the hospital, had about two dozen false alarms where they said their goodbyes, very exhausting physically and emotionally. I'm doing everything I can think of to be supportive. Big one is give lots of space, don't make demands.
Next day we're in the kitchen, alone. She's poking in the cupboard while telling me something. I pull her over, put my arm around her while she continues. I forget what it was, nothing too deep, kind of an update. Then she pushes my arm away, says I can't touch her. She'd started to cry. Says something like "I like it, but I feel too close to you, so I can't get close to you or I'll cry all day."
Today I come out of the shower, and find her still in her robe after her shower. I step over and playfully pull her robe open. She immediately pulls it shut and says no way, firm, ain't having none of that. I leave the room, don't say anything, finish in the bathroom, and head off to a computer, shut the door. She comes in shortly, says she's not in a good place right now, starts to say something again about being close to me, but can't finish. Starts to cry. I tell her I'm trying to leave her alone, but it's difficult. She agrees. I tell her to have her space, just give me a kiss now and then. She agrees, kisses.
God, this is difficult. So it boils down to this for her:
I love you, but don't touch me, don't talk to me about anything meaningful, don't spend quality time with me or I'm not going to hold it together.
So what am I supposed to make of this? Is there such thing as an anti-love language? Sounds like that's what she wants. Is this a good thing that she feels so prone to breakdown if she begins to enter anything that looks like intimacy with me?
