When tapestries of life get tangled in the loom.

[25yearsmlc]

Yes, I expelled her out of the car, and drove off. I needed to cool off, it takes two to argue.


"expelled her out of the car"...meaning what? DId you push or drag her out? That's not cool. And would you behave this way again NOW?

Do you think you could come up with a healthier MORE LOVING way to "cool off",

like a way which doesn't leave your wife alone, on the side of a road? God I sure hope so.

The way she describes it is not correct though, which is misleading. Especially right after saying I become violent when I'm frustrated, and still that's the only story she has, which traces back to summer 2009!

it's a damn big event Bruce...and you are understating and minimizing it which only makes it worse. I would find it traumatic and I would NOT Forget it. In 31 years of a sometimes tumultuous marriage, that has not happened to me or my h and we both had tempers.... I pray she wasn't pregnant then. That'd be even worse.

As for being stingy with the food, I heard that before but I cannot imagine for the life of me what she means by that, we had all sorts of food at home, the supermarket was ten minutes away!
She says that just before saying I was stingy with her, and she lacked everything and was often hungry. It's impossible to prove what one ate or not, I don't even know if it is an idea from her lawyer or did she really feel that?

And then it goes on saying that I bought luxury items, because I bought once a 300 euro pen. The whole idea is aimed at depicting me as someone I really am not.

things that are impossible to prove are often claimed...but who do you think she is depicting you as? can you describe the man SHE is describing? This isn't a trick question. I'm being sincere. THink about it.


The little part my W offered to do in the renovations

did you expect her to do more of the renovations than plastering? Like what? and did you communicate this to her? Did you two agree on the project or was this YOUR project and you wanted help and "all she could do" was plaster?

I mean, your attitude in that sentence baffles me. What experience does your wife have renovating a home? I hired people to remodel and still did a lot of work myself so I know a little about drywall and painting...

but am unclear what you were expecting from HER. What's with the terms that put her down "little part she offered to do"...? What are you trying to say?


was help plaster parts of the wall, and it got exagerated into carrying bags of cement and beams and climbing up ladders.

I can believe she is exaggerating...but your tone bothers me and might bother another objective person.

Explain this event or what the project was and whether you MIGHT have ignored her wishes somewhere in this...


And no, I have no record of anyone having to push my car. And because it's under oath I imagine there's a story behind it, can I just say I don't remember without sounding accusing her of lying? And if needed her to push the car, I mean, I would have at least have told her not to or pushed with her, I don't know...

you can say you don't recall it and I can believe you. Honestly it isn't me who will need to be convinced BUT I caution you, I had a few incidents I thought my h was making up, but my kids told me "yes mom, that did happen" ...

I'm so glad I kept my mouth shut b/c I could have sworn the events did not occur as my h said they did.

Sometimes I was wrong.

Yeah, she said I don't accepted the eczema and acid reflux condition of S, as if I denied it or something. Again, I don't know what she's refering to. Did I ever say maybe that his eczema was not as bad as it seemed ?


well did you say it's less than she believes or not?

That does sound like you are minimizing it and she's the one dealing with it, not you.

AND Why minimize it? That would have been a great opportunity to THANK HER for dealing with it and asking how YOU can be more supportive of the efforts at relieving your son of his distress...could have been a giant 180

you know, show concern and gratitude for HIM/HER,

and not act as if it's inconvenient for YOU to have to hear about it from her, or doubt her words, when you spend so little time with him...

do you see, now, how that makes you look?


How do I say I don't agree without looking like the man who conveniently doesn't remember the things when he doesn't want to ? Really.

I get what you mean. You can let your lawyer handle the way of saying it.


As for my free time, I went to ping pong twice a week.

I picked up paragliding in May 2012 when she was in Canada already. (she reproaches of course my spending all the money with the paraglider with its price, which I don't deny). Well, if you can afford it, so be it. If not, that's an issue. But I don't know your finances...

And since my wedding, I must've gone scuba-diving like 3 times, seriously.
In fact after the baby was born, I was working even harder and had even less time than before, and yes I admit neglecting her when she needed me most.
Now I don't see how admitting that in court will help me.


I didn't say you have to admit that IN COURT but admitting it here, and to her might help you show some capacity for change. And it will NOT increase the amount you pay in child support.

Is she citing fault or irreconcilable differences" for the divorce? If it is the latter, then your insights only look like actual insights and growth.

IF she is suing you for divorce FOR NEGLECT than again, you should let your lawyer defend you and speak for you.

I can say one thing for sure...resisting every statement she makes, and denying any and all fault,

makes you sound much worse than conceding your errors b/c Bruce, we are all human. We ALL made mistakes. The guy who pretends the fault all lies elsewhere is the loser in court...and in life...

There's some truth in the fact that I was happy that W came along in the visits. I was, and still am, interested in reconciliation.
However, I want to raise my son too.

My asking for 50% time is not a tactic to get back at her. I became more and more convinced that I was missing out on S, and that I shouldn't let that slip by.
Although I admit that I was not unhappy if it could motivate her to move back with me.

I don't see a problem admitting this^^^ BUT again, it may not come out right when you say it, so let the lawyer do the talking on this.

As for the dirty diaper, the first time he must have had a running bum, because I gave him a bath, and when he arrived at her parents, he was dirty again. The second time, he seemed clean to me, so maybe it is just invented to make a point, the uncaring father thing.


I recall it a bit differently, like you returned him knowing he was stinky but not able to change him without her help and she wasn 't around...

and the bath was b/c you did not know how to change him or did not want to deal with the mess so a bath was easier for YOU...but this is small potatoes.

what matters is that you know how to change a diaper now....

And the answer is????


As for his losing appetite and sleep and becoming aggressive right after my visits, I don't buy it at all.
I PLAY with him, how can this traumatize him ?

not sure she said it 'traumatized" him but that he lost his appetite or didn't sleep well, etc. I would not worry much about her sleep complaints or vague concerns most mothers say about anyone taking care of their child...

You still have rights as the dad, but make sure the child isn't miserable with you or that WILL matter.

After the visits she mentionned the dirty diaper, to make sure it stayed for the record, and his loss of sleep saying the visits were over stimulating. She also accused the Tintin cartoon, and I agreed saying that it was indeed too animated for his age.
I didn't mentionned the escalator thing at all.

this is minute....So don't get bogged down in all this IF nothing dangerous is alleged.

But be careful. We have seen a few good men get accused of weird things around here AND

we've seen some careless fathers who really don't know what they're doing and put their pride and "rights" to their kids-- ahead of the child's interest and they can DO harm to their child...


And yes, there are tables for the Child support based on our salary difference, and I don't know about the alimony, one thing is sure, I'm going to the cleaners!


THIS^^^ ANNOYS ME GREATLY...

You admit there are tables that are used for figuring out how much you'll pay so there's NO ROOM for you to get screwed or an insane amount to be assessed.

These tables are based on empirical data that deal with the costs of raising a child. Period. You then admit You "DON'T KNOW about alimony" (so maybe there won't be any), but your next comment is how you are a victim b/c you are "Sure" you are "going to the cleaners!"....

Do NOT pull that act on anyone in court or you'll be scoffed at and any room for flexibility will go against you for an attitude like that.


I kinda trust my lawyer but when I called today he's out of town for a couple of days, then in January for 15 days he has this big case he has to work on, so I ended up taking an appointment with her assistant with who I will put together our response, apparently..

why did you hire this attorney? Is she a divorce lawyer or does she do many types of law? How big is the firm?

As for her supposed rent to her own parents 600$/month, and paying childcare to her mother 500$/month, I'm sure it's just another trick to get some more money off me.
Of course her mom will draw all the receits you need.




About the escape comment, it is to justify why I needed and still need supervised visits. I don't even have his documents, how can I catch the plane to France?

So in other words, you DID NOT say it? Be clear here. Don't speculate as to her reasons for claiming you said it, if you did not. Just state that you did NOT say that...tell your lawyer the rest.

The fact that her declaration is so exagerated, people will believe some of it is true, even if they're used to hearing outlandish accusations.

But Bruce, some of it IS true.


It's taking a bad road when I see all the grudges W had against me all exposed, distorted, magnified, exagerated, and especially when it could potentially prevent me from seeing my Son.

don't borrow trouble from tomorrow. Take a breath and tell us her GROUNDS for divorce.

If it is no fault, such as "irreconcilable differences" none of it matters in terms of the divorce, except as it relates to your son.

And the supervised visits, IF they are continued, will not be permanent.

But she'll be upset when she sees your response too...NOT saying to be punitive at all, but for her to see the costs of all these choices.

I hope YOU see the costs of your choices too. Bruce, some of the stuff you admit to is lousy behavior and some of it you sort of deny, is also lousy.

Stop pretending or claiming to have been a great husband or dad....it's NOT helping you or the cause.

And your m is not a lost cause yet either. You are letting your wounded pride affect your view and that's a normal response

but do not act on feelings you have when your pride is wounded.



I seriously hope my L is a good one, because he's quite young yet.

again, why did you hire him? Be specific. Do not scrimp to save on this or hire the coolest LOOKING lawyer. You need an experienced lawyer.

Elsewhere you referred to your lawyer as a her but I guess that is his assistant.

You need to meet with your actual lawyer, at least on the phone

or retain new counsel. And you don't go to court with the assistant...unless she's a partner in her own right, and then maybe you need to hire HER but either way

the lawyer you go to court with (not an assistant but a LAWYER) needs to be THE lawyer you have. The one who knows the whole story.

make sense?