The only way I won't contact him right now, chase him, try to smooth things over is by posting here. Small small steps for me. I just need to vent here before I go making things worse...
So since my earlier post today and this crap about him being "suckered into taking my car again", I've just kept to myself and focused on the work I have to do today and then got busy around the house. I assumed at some point he'd either continue to ignore me, or do something nice so he wouldn't feel like a bad guy taking the car to work after all that spewing. He made us something to eat, which I thought was nice, but honestly knowing how he can hold a week long grudge I was cautious about what he might want (I know, horrible of me to say, but this is how it's been for a few months. I have to be somewhat protective of myself!) - Then he sent me a funny email of pictures of weird animals he found online, which I thought was cute and told him so. I tried to talk to him a little, but then he was a little stand-offish when I tried to open up with more small talk. It's like an effin' see-saw these days. So I backed off and went back to my work.
At some point he started packing up a little bag with his work clothes, and was looking around frantically for something. I asked him what he was looking for, he said his headphones. I offered him mine, he declined, and then stormed out.
I imagine he's taking the bus to make his point, or else he got a ride. It's a stupid power struggle he's engaging himself in that I'm not going to participate in. Normally, I would ask him how he's getting to work and then when he says "taking the bus" I'd try to convince him to take the car. Then he insists on taking the bus, and behaves as though he doesn't want or need anything from me, bla bla.
It does affect me because his behaving like I'm just some person he happens to live with, not his wife that he should rely upon is becoming ridiculous. I have never been a saint, but I'm also very good wife and partner. All the things I've done wrong I'm working on. This punishing bs is for the birds, already. I'm tired of feeling like I need to keep proving myself a good wife. So I'm working on doing more of nothing - less reactions, less anger, less trying, trying, trying. If he doesn't see it now, why make myself miserable trying again and again?
I realize I do need to detach better. I work on it every day but still, long way to go.
