<DO you grasp what a "180" is? Have you done any?>

Yes, I know the 180 - I would say I do all of the "Dont's"(it easy, we are D and no longer live together)


<Also, fwiw, I have 2 family members who divorced, only to remarry their former spouses a few years later (I think it was 3 years and 5 years later).>
It's worth a lot.

<I think that, like you have seen, we tend to fix SOME of our problems when we are forced to.>
Sure, I was forced to. Now I am forcing myself (because I want to, for me)

<So you did grow, and now SOME of why she left you is no longer applicable, correct?>
Yes, many things are no longer applicable (wish I "knew" about it earlier..don't we all...)

<Okay so what else is there for you to work on that YOU care about?>
I'm not sure, I really have put a lot on the list and they are all of the things I really have wanted for a very long time, so I think my list is a pretty good start.

<it can't be all about getting her back>
Ya, I know. If that were to happen it will be a considerable amount of time and while I know it happens it is more likely that it won't. I won't make that the be all and end all because if it doesn't happen I don't want to crash and burn.

<Her fear will be that if she were to return to you, you'd revert to your old laissez faire ways.>
VERY, true...don't know if you read it, don't know if I added it, but when we were taking about the possibility of reconnecting some time after the D she said "a lot would have to change..." And again, and this is important, she never was saying "you need to do this or that for me". What she wanted me to do was get more into MY life...it wasn't about living it how she wanted me to, it was just about LIVING it..

<And she loathes that. In a way, you did too.>
Yes, she does. And I sooo loath it.

<Make sure the changes you make are real and permanent.>
Yes, I am including as many people in my life in this changes as possible. They are my "check" - they will hold me to my own promises to myself. They won't and can't make me do it - but they can provide support...