Feel betrayed by my own son

[25yearsmlc]

Love her more meant to say.....I am so proud of him all he has accomplished I am just so scared he wll never speak to me again...

you're the parent. And you hurt him. I don't think your son did anything wrong. So yes You have to keep reaching out and reassuring him that you DO regret that he was put in that position; it's not fair; and you are sorry you lashed out at him. NONE of this is his fault.

THen end the message (Unless he's talking with you at the moment, in which case you listen to him & validate how hard this all was on him).

Do NOT engage in whether you are closer to another child or such irrelevan harmful discussions...stay on message

which is one of reassurance that you love him, (= you'd kill or die for him) you apologize for hurting his feelings and it won't happen again.

THEN MAYBE--if he seems amenable (and he may not for awhile) you can make plans sometime soon to do something just the two of you OR join his siblings for dinner at your place, etc....do not get dragged into other topics or conflicts...


how dare my ex put him in that situation...


1) I doubt it crossed your xh's mind that it would bother YOU this much. He may have good intentions too, like reconnecting with a son who felt abandoned...

But you must stop backsliding into the spiral of anger. It's a losing cause and this anger consumes YOUR LIFE and hurts YOU the most.

Do you see that? Lose the anger... b/c it's getting you nowhere fast and it's not fun to be around.

.he has brothers in the area and she has family as well why not go to their homes..

who knows?

AND though I'm sorry to say this, It's not really your business why your exh asked to stay with your son...really. I know that hurts to hear, but your son is an adult, right? And so

it's NOT your concern where your ex h stays. Besides, your son deserves a relationship with both his parents. Sounds as if he wants that...

If this is how it must be for your son to have that, then so be it.


my son is mine my ex it's is his step dad.But it is all he has ever know as a dad...

so he's NOT your son's father, but he is your son's father figure? In some ways that makes it more important that they maintain a r....

but I'm sure it feels awkward for you ---

then again, your son knows who his "real" mother is and always will.

oh boy this is hard not knowing whether he will ever speak to me again

If you make the effort, he'll come around. He only said he doesn't want to talk about it now and that he lost sleep over it. He's very torn.

But he did not disown you. Why wouldn't he ever speak to you again?

I don't know ANY son who would completely cut his mother off, permanently.
It's very Unforgiving...maybe that is all he knows however. So you must model forgiveness to your son by letting go of the power that your ex h's choices still have on your day to day life.


But If you said a lot of viscious things, OWN THAT and apologize as best you can

& if you said those things, you cannot blame your ex h.

This is YOUR behavior that we are discussing and how you must change it...asap...

don't let your anger at your ex h, no matter how "righteous" it feels, ruin your life or your relationships with your children.

That only compounds the wrongs done to your kids and you. And it's on you, not your ex h.

This is a classic case of "do you want to be 'right' (& miserable) or do you want to be happy"?

Forget being "right" in order to be angry...be loving to your children.

As for your ex h's family, maybe they don't like OW... maybe your ex wants to reconnect with son...

all we KNOW FOR SURE is, you have to be the best mother you can be...asap