When tapestries of life get tangled in the loom.

[Big Bruce]

Thank you,
I won't ignore this advice.

Because it's going to get real messy, I now have to write my version of things, including her dirty little secrets too.
Of course when I court I'll STFU.

But how do you defend "libels" that have been written about you?
It makes me look like the guilty guy trying to deny his actions, when very little of it is actually true.

There are many false truths, but the worse for our case :
"I said that physical punishment for children is okay, etc...and I have been raised in a family used to violent physical punishment..etc.. and she is concerned for his safety etc.."
When all I maybe said in a conversation years ago was that I didn't agree with parents too lax, and that reasonnable spanking is okay for children with age capable of reason.

And so on...

And oh, by the way, she answered the email saying that she still thinks no reconciliation is possible and it's best to move on.

so much for a peaceful time of the year...

[MrBond]

"There are many false truths, but the worse for our case :
"I said that physical punishment for children is okay, etc...and I have been raised in a family used to violent physical punishment..etc.. and she is concerned for his safety etc.."
When all I maybe said in a conversation years ago was that I didn't agree with parents too lax, and that reasonnable spanking is okay for children with age capable of reason."

How can you not see what you're doing and did in the past? It's like myself and others have told you. She felt that you dismissed her concerns before and this is a PRIME example. In your comment alone to her, you put down her parents (therefore implying her family isn't up to your standards) and that you believe in spanking (which she doesn't). You dismissed her entirely. Now all these things are coming back to haunt you.

I don't see where she lied in this. You told her exactly what you believed and she just repeated it.

Can you put down more of the things she wrote about you?

[MrBond]

And would you still spank your son under any circumstance?

[Big Bruce]

Frankly I didn't even think of the question of the discipline of kids before she went to fish for that today.

Of course I am a violent person, and she goes to tell the story of an argument we had in August 2009 (sic) where violently expelled her off hte car and I drove off and let her on the side of the road and then came back.

I also was stingy with food for her and the baby. She often was hungry.
I only ate pasta, rice and patatoes. (good I found an email saying I couldn't wait for the sushi that night and I would grab wasabi on the way home)

I made her do renovations in our apartment, make her carry bags of cement when she was pregnant.
I made her push my car also.

I don't accept that she takes care of the child's eczema and acid reflux.

I spent all my free time with sports and video games (I went twice a week to ping pong).

I am not interested in my son, and I only use the visits to seek reconciliation with her. When I understood she would come back, I threatened her with asking him for 50% of the time, and that it is all that's all about.

I gave back the son with dirty diaper, and after my four unsupervised visits he lost sleep, cries, lost appetite and becomes agressive.

The money I gave her was for her to buy a car (I have an email which states it's for our son, not for her!)

She pays her mom for rent and for keeping the child, as if.

I am not happy about her not reconciling and I told her I want to escape with our son.

to name a few libels...

[MrBond]

"Frankly I didn't even think of the question of the discipline of kids before she went to fish for that today."

Seriously? You're still dismissing that? What she stated was true and you actually backed it up with your retort.

"she goes to tell the story of an argument we had in August 2009 (sic) where violently expelled her off hte car and I drove off and let her on the side of the road and then came back."

Was it true that you left her on the side of the road?

"I only ate pasta, rice and patatoes."

How much of this is true?

"I made her do renovations in our apartment, make her carry bags of cement when she was pregnant.
I made her push my car also."

Was this true?

"I don't accept that she takes care of the child's eczema and acid reflux."

You never mentioned any of this with us about your child. As a father of a child with eczema, it's a BIG deal. I asked you previously how well you knew your son. And you didn't mention any of his health issues.

"I spent all my free time with sports and video games (I went twice a week to ping pong)."

Not true. You mentioned how much you "sacrificed" by not going out and doing the advertursome things you used to. Which implies that you did spend much of your free time on your own activities. I believe this was addressed by the posters here earlier.

"I am not interested in my son, and I only use the visits to seek reconciliation with her."

We all saw that in your posts, so this is true.

"I gave back the son with dirty diaper,"

Ah yes, this was true. I believe I even told you you should have changed his diaper BEFORE handing him back. Do you even know how to change it now?

"and after my four unsupervised visits he lost sleep, cries, lost appetite and becomes agressive."

That may be true because you haven't been in the picture much and he sees you as a stranger.

"The money I gave her was for her to buy a car (I have an email which states it's for our son, not for her!)"

It's obviously for her because you son doesn't drive.

"She pays her mom for rent and for keeping the child, as if."

How do you know that's not true? It's not your role to judge.

"I am not happy about her not reconciling"

This has also been expressed by you here.

"and I told her I want to escape with our son."

I can see some parts of your earlier posts where this might have been implied.

"to name a few libels..."

Each of these items hold truth to them. It would be extremely unwise to constantly dismiss her concerns. When are you going to get that?

[25yearsmlc]

Frankly I didn't even think of the question of the discipline of kids before she went to fish for that today.

but you can see that it would frighten a mother of an infant, can't you?


Of course I am a violent person, and she goes to tell the story of an argument we had in August 2009 (sic) where violently expelled her off hte car and I drove off and let her on the side of the road and then came back.


Bruce, this^^ does sound violent. Do you see that? I think you're trying to be sarcastic but it does not come across well. What are you trying to say here? Please make sure your lawyer speaks for you b/c you don't sound to me, as if you know how you sound to me. Vous comprendez?


I also was stingy with food for her and the baby. She often was hungry.
I only ate pasta, rice and patatoes. (good I found an email saying I couldn't wait for the sushi that night and I would grab wasabi on the way home)


does this mean there wasn't much food in the house, AND OR you had control over it? Or you'd have to go get it, or what? I mean, this is an odd accusation and your explanation is not helping me much.

I made her do renovations in our apartment, make her carry bags of cement when she was pregnant.
I made her push my car also.

well, did she have to push your car? Why? WHere were you? Did you FORCE her to carry bags of cement? This sounds odd of her to claim. What's the story? Is it a total lie?


I don't accept that she takes care of the child's eczema and acid reflux.


what do you mean you "don't accept that"? You mean Someone ELSE is taking care of his eczema and acid reflux? Is it your inlaws?

Or do you deny that he has these conditions?

Bruce, these conditions are pretty easy to prove. If you are wrong about this, you'll look worse. Let the lawyer do the talking, and get more information...PLEASE...


I spent all my free time with sports and video games (I went twice a week to ping pong).

Bruce, from what you posted here, WE know you did more than twice a week ping pong. Do NOT revise the facts to suit you b/c you don't like how her version makes you sound. You like to paraglide, you like to scuba, & more,...so unless you stopped all that when your son was born, she's got a point...You admitted that you never interacted with the baby b/c "She had him all the time"...so what were you doing when you felt neglected? You said earlier that you "left her alone" b/c she was "sulky" or "in bad humor"....

If you are trying to show that you are a changed man, you'll have to admit mistakes. Here, you are in total defense mode and that posture makes you look oblivious to the need for you to change.

So of course she won't believe you are different. If you insist you are right and she is wrong, then this is over before it begins...


I am not interested in my son, and I only use the visits to seek reconciliation with her.

We all warned you of this^^^. We felt that you were aiming at time with him TO GET time with her...and that's why you'd complain about not seeing HER when you picked up your son, etc...I think eventually a part of you DOES want your son for your son's sake and yours, but your original motivation was that he was part of the package you'd have to deal with, in order to be near her...

I think the more honest insight you have, the better off you'll all be...

.


When I understood she would come back, I threatened her with asking him for 50% of the time, and that it is all that's all about.


I don't know exactly what you mean here^^^.

Are you saying that she is accusing you of ONLY seeking custody b/c she would NOT come back otherwise?

IF so, well...it IS how it seemed to me.

I think You saw that you were losing both her and your son, but by asking for him half the time, SHE would lose time with him

and MAYBE that would motivate her to move back in with you.

I believe you said words to that effect....plus you said it would "hurt her" to lose time with him and that makes it sound almost punitive. Like you were doing it TO HURT HER and not to spend time with him.

Only time and your behavior will convince her otherwise. NOT your denials or protestations...

So you can tell her that maybe it was originally that way b/c you didn't have enough time with your son to know what you were missing.

But NOW YOU GET IT...b/c you are a new different man.


Bruce if you keep defending your behavior instead of examining it, you'll lose.

Plus you won't grow at all. And this site is about YOU CHANGING (& all of us here)...

it's NOT about you defending yourself and all the choices that got you here in the first place. That's a losing cause.


I gave back the son with dirty diaper, and after my four unsupervised visits he lost sleep, cries, lost appetite and becomes agressive.

well the baby did have a dirty diaper when you returned him and we all winced...the next time he had a soiled diaper, you gave him a bath instead of changing his diaper....correct?

and we don't kow if he cries or loses sleep after seeing you. Maybe you stimulate him...and that's not all bad.

But what did she say in her emails after each visit?

If she never mentioned these "problems", you'll benefit. If she did and you ignored them, that's a teaching point for you. Either way, give the emails to your lawyer. You can be sure she has given your emails to her lawyer....so be careful what you say to her.

Watch out how you describe things in your emails about his visits with you. Don't say he "loved being alone on the escalator" b/c

1) it may not be what you mean to say and

2) most parents think a 22 month old is too young to be on an escalator alone...period. Do not challenge her claims of his allergies or preferences and try to prove yourself "right" by not doing as she asks. Kids need routine...

try not to resist whatever she tells you.

You need to let the lawyer talk for you and say as little as possible that might get you into trouble.

The money I gave her was for her to buy a car (I have an email which states it's for our son, not for her!)


Doesn't matter much what it was for IF she could spend it on taking care of the son.

I'm not familiar with Canada's alimony laws or if she'll get any or a lot, but child support is usually based on a formula so you won't likely be shocked at the amount they'll eventually settle on. Your lawyer can best advise you on this.

Do you like and trust your lawyer?

She pays her mom for rent and for keeping the child, as if.



even if she does not pay rent, do you see how YOU benefit from that?

Sure, she COULD rent an apartment if she had the money and she COULD increase expenses, which would hurt you both...

and she COULD pay her parents to care for your son, but I bet they don't charge her much.

OR she COULD find daycare & a new apartment, which will certainly charge more than her parents...and isn't as ideal to most people, as grandparents taking care of their grandchildren...

This savings benefits you both. And if she is paying rent, your lawyer can ask for records/receipts etc

but I fail to see how those costs help you. They will increase what you have to pay, or so I think.



I am not happy about her not reconciling and I told her I want to escape with our son.

to name a few libels...

well we know you're not happy about not reconciling and there's no harm in you having said that.

What's up with the "escape" comment? Don't worry too much about a court believing "every single" thing a divorcing wife says. The judges have seen this before.

But do let your lawyer speak for you and make sure you have a good relationship with your lawyer

and that you listen to their advice.

For what it's worth Bruce, a third of divorces filed in California are never completed. Some folks DO reconcile even after papers are filed.

And I have 2 family members who divorced, only to remarry their former spouses a few years later.

So it happens. This isn't over til it's over. And you get to decide IF and when to quit.

[Big Bruce]

Yes, I expelled her out of the car, and drove off. I needed to cool off, it takes two to argue. The way she describes it is not correct though, which is misleading. Especially right after saying I become violent when I'm frustrated, and still that's the only story she has, which traces back to summer 2009!

As for being stingy with the food, I heard that before but I cannot imagine for the life of me what she means by that, we had all sorts of food at home, the supermarket was ten minutes away!
She says that just before saying I was stingy with her, and she lacked everything and was often hungry. It's impossible to prove what one ate or not, I don't even know if it is an idea from her lawyer or did she really feel that?
And then it goes on saying that I bought luxury items, because I bought once a 300 euro pen. The whole idea is aimed at depicting me as someone I really am not.

The little part my W offered to do in the renovations was help plaster parts of the wall, and it got exagerated into carrying bags of cement and beams and climbing up ladders.

And no, I have no record of anyone having to push my car. And because it's under oath I imagine there's a story behind it, can I just say I don't remember without sounding accusing her of lying? And if needed her to push the car, I mean, I would have at least have told her not to or pushed with her, I don't know...


Yeah, she said I don't accepted the eczema and acid reflux condition of S, as if I denied it or something. Again, I don't know what she's refering to. Did I ever say maybe that his eczema was not as bad as it seemed ? How do I say I don't agree without looking like the man who conveniently doesn't remember the things when he doesn't want to ? Really.



As for my free time, I went to ping pong twice a week.
I picked up paragliding in May 2012 when she was in Canada already. (she reproaches of course my spending all the money with the paraglider with its price, which I don't deny).
And since my wedding, I must've gone scuba-diving like 3 times, seriously.
In fact after the baby was born, I was working even harder and had even less time than before, and yes I admit neglecting her when she needed me most.
Now I don't see how admitting that in court will help me.

There's some truth in the fact that I was happy that W came along in the visits. I was, and still am, interested in reconciliation.
However, I want to raise my son too.

My asking for 50% time is not a tactic to get back at her. I became more and more convinced that I was missing out on S, and that I shouldn't let that slip by.
Although I admit that I was not unhappy if it could motivate her to move back with me.

As for the dirty diaper, the first time he must have had a running bum, because I gave him a bath, and when he arrived at her parents, he was dirty again. The second time, he seemed clean to me, so maybe it is just invented to make a point, the uncaring father thing.

As for his losing appetite and sleep and becoming aggressive right after my visits, I don't buy it at all.
I PLAY with him, how can this traumatize him ?

After the visits she mentionned the dirty diaper, to make sure it stayed for the record, and his loss of sleep saying the visits were over stimulating. She also accused the Tintin cartoon, and I agreed saying that it was indeed too animated for his age.
I didn't mentionned the escalator thing at all.

And yes, there are tables for the Child support based on our salary difference, and I don't know about the alimony, one thing is sure, I'm going to the cleaners!

I kinda trust my lawyer but when I called today he's out of town for a couple of days, then in January for 15 days he has this big case he has to work on, so I ended up taking an appointment with her assistant with who I will put together our response, apparently..

As for her supposed rent to her own parents 600$/month, and paying childcare to her mother 500$/month, I'm sure it's just another trick to get some more money off me.
Of course her mom will draw all the receits you need.

About the escape comment, it is to justify why I needed and still need supervised visits. I don't even have his documents, how can I catch the plane to France?

The fact that her declaration is so exagerated, people will believe some of it is true, even if they're used to hearing outlandish accusations.

It's taking a bad road when I see all the grudges W had against me all exposed, distorted, magnified, exagerated, and especially when it could potentially prevent me from seeing my Son.

I seriously hope my L is a good one, because he's quite young yet.

[25yearsmlc]

Yes, I expelled her out of the car, and drove off. I needed to cool off, it takes two to argue.


"expelled her out of the car"...meaning what? DId you push or drag her out? That's not cool. And would you behave this way again NOW?

Do you think you could come up with a healthier MORE LOVING way to "cool off",

like a way which doesn't leave your wife alone, on the side of a road? God I sure hope so.

The way she describes it is not correct though, which is misleading. Especially right after saying I become violent when I'm frustrated, and still that's the only story she has, which traces back to summer 2009!

it's a damn big event Bruce...and you are understating and minimizing it which only makes it worse. I would find it traumatic and I would NOT Forget it. In 31 years of a sometimes tumultuous marriage, that has not happened to me or my h and we both had tempers.... I pray she wasn't pregnant then. That'd be even worse.

As for being stingy with the food, I heard that before but I cannot imagine for the life of me what she means by that, we had all sorts of food at home, the supermarket was ten minutes away!
She says that just before saying I was stingy with her, and she lacked everything and was often hungry. It's impossible to prove what one ate or not, I don't even know if it is an idea from her lawyer or did she really feel that?

And then it goes on saying that I bought luxury items, because I bought once a 300 euro pen. The whole idea is aimed at depicting me as someone I really am not.

things that are impossible to prove are often claimed...but who do you think she is depicting you as? can you describe the man SHE is describing? This isn't a trick question. I'm being sincere. THink about it.


The little part my W offered to do in the renovations

did you expect her to do more of the renovations than plastering? Like what? and did you communicate this to her? Did you two agree on the project or was this YOUR project and you wanted help and "all she could do" was plaster?

I mean, your attitude in that sentence baffles me. What experience does your wife have renovating a home? I hired people to remodel and still did a lot of work myself so I know a little about drywall and painting...

but am unclear what you were expecting from HER. What's with the terms that put her down "little part she offered to do"...? What are you trying to say?


was help plaster parts of the wall, and it got exagerated into carrying bags of cement and beams and climbing up ladders.

I can believe she is exaggerating...but your tone bothers me and might bother another objective person.

Explain this event or what the project was and whether you MIGHT have ignored her wishes somewhere in this...


And no, I have no record of anyone having to push my car. And because it's under oath I imagine there's a story behind it, can I just say I don't remember without sounding accusing her of lying? And if needed her to push the car, I mean, I would have at least have told her not to or pushed with her, I don't know...

you can say you don't recall it and I can believe you. Honestly it isn't me who will need to be convinced BUT I caution you, I had a few incidents I thought my h was making up, but my kids told me "yes mom, that did happen" ...

I'm so glad I kept my mouth shut b/c I could have sworn the events did not occur as my h said they did.

Sometimes I was wrong.

Yeah, she said I don't accepted the eczema and acid reflux condition of S, as if I denied it or something. Again, I don't know what she's refering to. Did I ever say maybe that his eczema was not as bad as it seemed ?


well did you say it's less than she believes or not?

That does sound like you are minimizing it and she's the one dealing with it, not you.

AND Why minimize it? That would have been a great opportunity to THANK HER for dealing with it and asking how YOU can be more supportive of the efforts at relieving your son of his distress...could have been a giant 180

you know, show concern and gratitude for HIM/HER,

and not act as if it's inconvenient for YOU to have to hear about it from her, or doubt her words, when you spend so little time with him...

do you see, now, how that makes you look?


How do I say I don't agree without looking like the man who conveniently doesn't remember the things when he doesn't want to ? Really.

I get what you mean. You can let your lawyer handle the way of saying it.


As for my free time, I went to ping pong twice a week.

I picked up paragliding in May 2012 when she was in Canada already. (she reproaches of course my spending all the money with the paraglider with its price, which I don't deny). Well, if you can afford it, so be it. If not, that's an issue. But I don't know your finances...

And since my wedding, I must've gone scuba-diving like 3 times, seriously.
In fact after the baby was born, I was working even harder and had even less time than before, and yes I admit neglecting her when she needed me most.
Now I don't see how admitting that in court will help me.


I didn't say you have to admit that IN COURT but admitting it here, and to her might help you show some capacity for change. And it will NOT increase the amount you pay in child support.

Is she citing fault or irreconcilable differences" for the divorce? If it is the latter, then your insights only look like actual insights and growth.

IF she is suing you for divorce FOR NEGLECT than again, you should let your lawyer defend you and speak for you.

I can say one thing for sure...resisting every statement she makes, and denying any and all fault,

makes you sound much worse than conceding your errors b/c Bruce, we are all human. We ALL made mistakes. The guy who pretends the fault all lies elsewhere is the loser in court...and in life...

There's some truth in the fact that I was happy that W came along in the visits. I was, and still am, interested in reconciliation.
However, I want to raise my son too.

My asking for 50% time is not a tactic to get back at her. I became more and more convinced that I was missing out on S, and that I shouldn't let that slip by.
Although I admit that I was not unhappy if it could motivate her to move back with me.

I don't see a problem admitting this^^^ BUT again, it may not come out right when you say it, so let the lawyer do the talking on this.

As for the dirty diaper, the first time he must have had a running bum, because I gave him a bath, and when he arrived at her parents, he was dirty again. The second time, he seemed clean to me, so maybe it is just invented to make a point, the uncaring father thing.


I recall it a bit differently, like you returned him knowing he was stinky but not able to change him without her help and she wasn 't around...

and the bath was b/c you did not know how to change him or did not want to deal with the mess so a bath was easier for YOU...but this is small potatoes.

what matters is that you know how to change a diaper now....

And the answer is????


As for his losing appetite and sleep and becoming aggressive right after my visits, I don't buy it at all.
I PLAY with him, how can this traumatize him ?

not sure she said it 'traumatized" him but that he lost his appetite or didn't sleep well, etc. I would not worry much about her sleep complaints or vague concerns most mothers say about anyone taking care of their child...

You still have rights as the dad, but make sure the child isn't miserable with you or that WILL matter.

After the visits she mentionned the dirty diaper, to make sure it stayed for the record, and his loss of sleep saying the visits were over stimulating. She also accused the Tintin cartoon, and I agreed saying that it was indeed too animated for his age.
I didn't mentionned the escalator thing at all.

this is minute....So don't get bogged down in all this IF nothing dangerous is alleged.

But be careful. We have seen a few good men get accused of weird things around here AND

we've seen some careless fathers who really don't know what they're doing and put their pride and "rights" to their kids-- ahead of the child's interest and they can DO harm to their child...


And yes, there are tables for the Child support based on our salary difference, and I don't know about the alimony, one thing is sure, I'm going to the cleaners!


THIS^^^ ANNOYS ME GREATLY...

You admit there are tables that are used for figuring out how much you'll pay so there's NO ROOM for you to get screwed or an insane amount to be assessed.

These tables are based on empirical data that deal with the costs of raising a child. Period. You then admit You "DON'T KNOW about alimony" (so maybe there won't be any), but your next comment is how you are a victim b/c you are "Sure" you are "going to the cleaners!"....

Do NOT pull that act on anyone in court or you'll be scoffed at and any room for flexibility will go against you for an attitude like that.


I kinda trust my lawyer but when I called today he's out of town for a couple of days, then in January for 15 days he has this big case he has to work on, so I ended up taking an appointment with her assistant with who I will put together our response, apparently..

why did you hire this attorney? Is she a divorce lawyer or does she do many types of law? How big is the firm?

As for her supposed rent to her own parents 600$/month, and paying childcare to her mother 500$/month, I'm sure it's just another trick to get some more money off me.
Of course her mom will draw all the receits you need.




About the escape comment, it is to justify why I needed and still need supervised visits. I don't even have his documents, how can I catch the plane to France?

So in other words, you DID NOT say it? Be clear here. Don't speculate as to her reasons for claiming you said it, if you did not. Just state that you did NOT say that...tell your lawyer the rest.

The fact that her declaration is so exagerated, people will believe some of it is true, even if they're used to hearing outlandish accusations.

But Bruce, some of it IS true.


It's taking a bad road when I see all the grudges W had against me all exposed, distorted, magnified, exagerated, and especially when it could potentially prevent me from seeing my Son.

don't borrow trouble from tomorrow. Take a breath and tell us her GROUNDS for divorce.

If it is no fault, such as "irreconcilable differences" none of it matters in terms of the divorce, except as it relates to your son.

And the supervised visits, IF they are continued, will not be permanent.

But she'll be upset when she sees your response too...NOT saying to be punitive at all, but for her to see the costs of all these choices.

I hope YOU see the costs of your choices too. Bruce, some of the stuff you admit to is lousy behavior and some of it you sort of deny, is also lousy.

Stop pretending or claiming to have been a great husband or dad....it's NOT helping you or the cause.

And your m is not a lost cause yet either. You are letting your wounded pride affect your view and that's a normal response

but do not act on feelings you have when your pride is wounded.



I seriously hope my L is a good one, because he's quite young yet.

again, why did you hire him? Be specific. Do not scrimp to save on this or hire the coolest LOOKING lawyer. You need an experienced lawyer.

Elsewhere you referred to your lawyer as a her but I guess that is his assistant.

You need to meet with your actual lawyer, at least on the phone

or retain new counsel. And you don't go to court with the assistant...unless she's a partner in her own right, and then maybe you need to hire HER but either way

the lawyer you go to court with (not an assistant but a LAWYER) needs to be THE lawyer you have. The one who knows the whole story.

make sense?

[MrBond]

25yearsmlc has given you GREAT advice.

Just a few things to add.

"Yes, I expelled her out of the car, and drove off. I needed to cool off, it takes two to argue. The way she describes it is not correct though, which is misleading."

So it's true. Stop trying to diminish what you did. You were an @$$. Don't EVER do that to ANY woman. She's not misleading here and it doesn't matter how long ago it was. Stop belittling her.

"As for being stingy with the food, I heard that before"

And you never bothered to ask why she felt that way? Maybe she felt you controlled all the money to by the food.

"She says that just before saying I was stingy with her, and she lacked everything and was often hungry. It's impossible to prove what one ate or not, I don't even know if it is an idea from her lawyer or did she really feel that?"

In some way she probably felt that way but again you didn't listen.

"And then it goes on saying that I bought luxury items, because I bought once a 300 euro pen. The whole idea is aimed at depicting me as someone I really am not."

Well it is a luxury item is it not? What did she buy?

"The little part my W offered to do in the renovations was help plaster parts of the wall,"

Like 25yearsmlc said. It sounds like you were belittling her efforts. And besides did she do this WHILE she was pregnant? She shouldn't have even done that.

"and it got exagerated into carrying bags of cement and beams and climbing up ladders."

Did you see her climbing up ladders? I would assume she would have to and carry large items in order to plaster parts of the wall.

"And no, I have no record of anyone having to push my car. And because it's under oath I imagine there's a story behind it, can I just say I don't remember without sounding accusing her of lying? And if needed her to push the car, I mean, I would have at least have told her not to or pushed with her, I don't know..."

Do you honestly not "remember" if you asked your W to push your car? I remember everyone who has ever touched my car.

"Yeah, she said I don't accepted the eczema and acid reflux condition of S, as if I denied it or something."

Sounds like you did deny these things to a certain degree. Did it ever occur to you that he might have had a runny diaper due to the acid reflux? How well do you know your son's condition? How bad is his eczema? Have you EVER gone to a doctor's appointment with him?

"As for my free time, I went to ping pong twice a week.
I picked up paragliding in May 2012 when she was in Canada already. (she reproaches of course my spending all the money with the paraglider with its price, which I don't deny).
And since my wedding, I must've gone scuba-diving like 3 times, seriously.
In fact after the baby was born, I was working even harder and had even less time than before, and yes I admit neglecting her when she needed me most."

No. 25yearsmlc got it right. You did go out to do the things you wanted to do and neglected her and the baby.

"There's some truth in the fact that I was happy that W came along in the visits. I was, and still am, interested in reconciliation."

Some truth? You've admitted and shown here that you were willing to use your son as a bargaining chip to get your W back.

"However, I want to raise my son too."

That's fine. Then start reading books about how to raise a child.

"My asking for 50% time is not a tactic to get back at her. I became more and more convinced that I was missing out on S, and that I shouldn't let that slip by.
Although I admit that I was not unhappy if it could motivate her to move back with me."

You just contradicted yourself in the same sentence.

"As for the dirty diaper, the first time he must have had a running bum, because I gave him a bath, and when he arrived at her parents, he was dirty again."

Did it ever occur to you that he might have been sick?

"The second time, he seemed clean to me,"

Did you actually check his diaper? Even when you don't think they did anything, ALL parents check and don't ASSUME. So have you even changed his diaper yet?

"As for his losing appetite and sleep and becoming aggressive right after my visits, I don't buy it at all."

Have you ever asked?

"I PLAY with him, how can this traumatize him ?"

Because he doesn't KNOW you. I have two young kids and if you only spend the amount of time that you do with your son, they will be mistrusting and be traumatized because they are taken away from the only person they've learned to trust. Their mother.

"After the visits she mentionned the dirty diaper, to make sure it stayed for the record,"

No actually you mentioned it here also of your own accord so stop saying she's being libelous towards you.

"She also accused the Tintin cartoon, and I agreed saying that it was indeed too animated for his age."

You took a 2 year old child to a rated PG movie. Even my older kids were freaked out by how some of the characters looked. Again, start reading up on raising children. And treat him accordingly based on his age. At that age, he can't even sit still. Take him to the park or a children's museum or something. Never a movie until older.



And yes, there are tables for the Child support based on our salary difference, and I don't know about the alimony, one thing is sure, I'm going to the cleaners!

I kinda trust my lawyer but when I called today he's out of town for a couple of days, then in January for 15 days he has this big case he has to work on, so I ended up taking an appointment with her assistant with who I will put together our response, apparently..

As for her supposed rent to her own parents 600$/month, and paying childcare to her mother 500$/month, I'm sure it's just another trick to get some more money off me.
Of course her mom will draw all the receits you need.

"About the escape comment, it is to justify why I needed and still need supervised visits. I don't even have his documents, how can I catch the plane to France?"

I recall when you were on here, you complained quite a bit about the country and the activities that you could "no longer do".

It wouldn't be too hard to assume that you would leave with him.

"The fact that her declaration is so exagerated, people will believe some of it is true, even if they're used to hearing outlandish accusations."

They all have truth attached to them. You've even admitted to many of them and are just trying to diminish their importance. Start taking SOME kind of responsibility rather than saying that it's your W's problems.

"It's taking a bad road when I see all the grudges W had against me all exposed, distorted, magnified, exagerated, and especially when it could potentially prevent me from seeing my Son."

Start looking in the mirror.

[Big Bruce]

Good evening,
Thank you Mr Bond and Mrs 25,
The car expulsion was indeed maybe our worse argument. She wasn't pregnant no, and of course I wouldn't behave the same today, but what makes me the saddest, is that she is capable of telling that to the whole world, when we already forgave each other, and patched things up after the incident.

The worse thing about the food shortage accusation is that she said that in July when I arrived, and I still was in the depressed/pursuing phase, and I wrote and hand-written letters apologizing for many things, including being stingy for food, although I had no idea what she was talking about!.
Now it's one strong point in her argumentation, because she wants to make the point that I will starve or under nourrish our son...

She is describing this selfish-man, ready to spend money on him and his pleasure, and none for his family.
No intersted in his family or son, and therefore no apt to take care of a 2 y/o boy, who could be at risk if he stayed with me.

Same thing with saying I'm ok with hitting the head of children for discipline, and saying I become violent = risk for our son.
Frankly, this kind of tactics makes me sick, I had no problems detaching this week, I hate her.


And we bought a place who needed renovations, my dad did most of the big work, I helped with electricity and plumbing, painting and lighter stuff, she did contribute with plastering, because it is the less technical. Yes, she probably had to get up a few steps of the ladder.
We never had an argument over it, it was a team effort. We were glad our place was getting nicer. Now it's exploding in my face as if I demanded her to work while she was pregnant, making her transporting bags of cement and beams and stuff... It must have taken a huge effort to make up this BS.
I wish I was as talented as her to take a neutral happenstance and turn it into a libel.


And for the car episode, I don't even remember ever broking down, but I will keep my mouth shut, because I don't recall it honestly. And her description is that I made her push the car for 400m, which I know it's impossible, because we don't have half a kilometer of straight, or flat road in the region.
Maybe that fact will be enough to prove it was exagerated, if not fake.
--> (that's why I wish I could call her and ask her when that happened...)


For the eczema and acid reflux thing, I agree he has this condition, I don't try to diminish it or anything. What's the deal ? --> Make me appear as a danger to his health again .
As I write on this forum, I am less and less inclined to want to pursue her at all.

Speaking of danger, back in November our S got burned touching a hot pan or the stove while he was kept by his grandma, and he went to the hospital, and had to keep a bandage on his hand for two weeks. This happens.
I didn't make a fuss, and didn't even mentionned it.
Now, I FEEL LIKE MENTIONNING that big time. If anyone should be concerned for his safety, it's me.



And yes we could affort the luxury pen, and the paraglider, and we were putting money aside each month.
And we bought a pen for her too, less expensive, but still, it never crossed my mind to accuse her of the expenses she did or didn't.

For the amount I will have to pay, I was a little upset, because she only works very part time, and studies. Our salary difference is almost 100 000 $, she says she wants the same level of life she had before, I don't think anyone will have pity on me on that one. But alright I'll pay, I've failed my marriage, and it's part of the punishment.


Grounds for divorce are : 1. irreconcilable family values. 2. Different Financial values.

Ah yes, she said I was hiding finances and accounts from her: Lie.
She said I told her I asked 50% custody to oblige her to stay : lie. Even if I thought it could have an effect on her decision, I know better than saying it plain.

As much as I want to admit fault, and am ashamed of what I previously did, and want to change my ways, there's a moment where I have to say it's going too far.

And I never said I wanted to escape with my son, I was trying to reconcile, not to lit up a strife!

Has anyone in this forum had outlandish accusations by their spouses in court ? How does one handle it ? Does anyone reconcile after that?
Frankly, I am less and less sure to want to stay with such a mean person.
I am trying to think of bad things she did, and I think to myself: no I don't want to reveal that, it was settled, we made love right after the incident, and I would be a coward and a traitor to bring it up now.
I don't know, it's against my nature to criticize and bring it up when in my heart it's gorgiven and forgotten.


And the attorney is just the one they said when I called the mid-size law firm.
I think he will be the one representing me, and we'll meet before the hearing, but I get to work with the assistant too. So I don't know how the info is communicated between them.


It got messier than what I thought.
I ingenuously thought she was going to say she wanted to keep him because she loved our son, and I would reply I loved him too...