H's MLC started when BF murdered

[GatorGirl]

And as a scientist, I have tried time and again to apply logic to all of this...which is completely and totally illogical. Sigh. The unpredictability just frustrates me to no end.

[TSquared2]

I hear you, as an engineer Mr. Spock type, I was so frustrated with the illogical nature of this beast, until I found the secret....

Just pull out your safari outfit and Jane Goodall hat...!



T^2

[BeingMe]

T^S, that makes sense (safari et al). I feel like I'm observing an animal that changes it's stripes, yet I know that can't be possible. Well, I've decided to change my project and focus on something else.

GG, 14 years is a long time, and I don't blame you for wanting to stand. Just realize that that may be a long long time, with no outcome. I've also been getting pennies from heaven, in the strangest places. Once in an empty movie theatre, one dropped in my lap. I looked around, but no-one was there. I feel that I'm being told that everything will be okay, no matter if I divorce or not.

[GatorGirl]

Just pull out your safari outfit and Jane Goodall hat...!

Good thing you didn't say to bring my guns, lol...but I see what you're saying. I'm in for a wild ride. Sigh.

I'm standing without faith that he will return. I took vows that I believe in and I won't back down from those. When it's over and the papers are signed, I'll move on and date and such but the statistics for second marriages are even more grim than those from first marriages. Horrible. The whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth, you know? The moral high ground is full of major suckitude!

[GatorGirl]

GG, 14 years is a long time, and I don't blame you for wanting to stand. Just realize that that may be a long long time, with no outcome.

I have a feeling he won't wait too long to file the papers. I am seeing a new attorney in a couple of weeks. I expect some motion after that on his end. I know he didn't want to "mess up" the holidays with a divorce, plus it wouldn't have been final until after the new year anyway, so what's the rush?

My SIL did tell me that my MIL advised him strongly and repeatedly to take his time with all of this. My MIL and FIL were separated for about 9 months when my H was young (his father was 40, go figure, wonders never cease) and managed to hold things together. I asked my MIL about it and her swiss cheese memory didn't even recall why they separated. H actually told me that his mom said, "you never know, you may work things out". I thought it was weird that he even mentioned that she said that. I would have left it out, personally, especially in his position.

My over-analyzing brain takes over once again...ugh, the perils never seem to end.

[peacetoday]

GG

I think it really helps that his parents held it together even after separation
this is what he knows and lived through

good luck
peace

[GatorGirl]

Feeling completely crazy at this moment. H had the kids for the day (they are out of school) and asked me to take them if I got out early from work, which I did. He just called to say goodnight to them. He usually FaceTimes them on his phone so they can see him but tonight he just called because he wasn't home. I so wonder where he is and who he is with. I didn't ask and he didn't tell but I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt me to think he's out there with another woman, which he probably is. And there's nothing I can do and I have to just let it go but it doesn't make up for feeling stabbed in the heart at this moment. In the past when he's been out with someone that we know, he'll tell me that he's out for dinner with So-and-So. Tonight he just texted "not at home so I'll call". I had a feeling he wanted them out early because he had plans tonight. I feel sick just thinking about it. And so the roller coaster continues. I know I should expect this but the blow to my ego is still very real and it [censored]. Just when I think I'm doing well and then crap like this happens. Sigh.

[ForeverYoung]

So sorry to hear the pain you're in right now GG. Sending hugs your way... ((((( )))))

Remember, you are strong and will get through this.

[GatorGirl]

Thanks FY. Feeling better today. I cannot control him. I can only control me and choose what I think is best for me. My mantra so far through this whole thing has been "peace and patience". Overall, I think it's working. I am at peace more or less with the situation, as I have released the thought that I can control it. I am being mostly patient (with a few momentary slip-ups within my own head) and that's what he's seeing at least.

I set boundaries regarding our home when he moved into his rented condo almost two months ago. He lived with his parents for about six weeks then got a place of his own and took his furniture and such with him from our house. At that point, I asked him for his keys and garage door opener and told him I wanted some privacy. He tried to give me some BS about needing access to the house to help take care of the dogs if I went out of town since his new place won't allow pets and I told him that if he rented a place that doesn't allow animals despite (at the time) owning two dogs, that it was his problem. I reminded him that this was his choice and that he would have to care for the dogs if I cannot at his time and expense (as I got 'custody' of them and the kids). I told him that my home will not be used as a kennel for his convenience. I had an alarm system installed about two weeks after he moved out his furniture and he doesn't have any of the codes for it. It has not been brought up since. I hope I didn't go too far with keeping him out of the home we shared for nearly nine years but I feel like I needed to draw a line somewhere in that regard. I don't have anything to hide and honestly, he could come in and it wouldn't be illegal, but I just want a place where my stuff is private.

We don't talk about anything but the kids and money. He hasn't brought up any talk about seeing a L in a while but I expect it after the first of the year. He has also not made any attempts to discuss our R. I made two slip ups in that department, one about two weeks after he moved in with his parents and once again the day the dog died. I think I've already mentioned that both of them were epic fails where he told me I was selfish, never did anything for him, that he always took care of me and I never took care of him, that we never did anything he ever wanted to...the list goes on and on and I have learned that it's part of The Script. He did mention in the most recent "discussion" that his anger had finally just simmered down to the point where he could talk about things. I'm not sure what that means exactly and honestly, I'm not really looking into it.

As always, I welcome comments and wisdom from those of you that have been here...

[GatorGirl]

I am not looking forward to the festivities tonight. The stroke of midnight will be my 12th wedding anniversary and I am just sick with grief. This has always been a special time for us for obvious reasons and this is the first time in 13 years that I have not spent NYE with H. I am allowing myself to wallow in what will probably be my last wedding anniversary with H and after that, no more. Onward and upward. Good riddance, 2012! I expect a lot from you, 2013--so you'd better bring your big girl panties and come dressed and ready for the show!