Lunch is done. In the spirit of DBing it was a good lunch b/c she said she felt better afterwards. I on the other hand not so much. Mixed feelings. Partly b/c I feel as if she laid down the law / patented me and told me how things were going to be. Now I'm saying that with a little bitterness that I know will fade away in time. W shared that OM did send her a friend request over a month ago with which she hasn't accepted. That he loves her. That's the main sore spot for me. I say that from a jaded POV, knowing he has cheated on my w during their R. How f'd up i that. That I'm angered that he hurt her, and then has the nerve to say ILY to her. It's like a microcosm of our R I guess. I did argue that my love was more than his in the sense that I've been fighting for our M. I know its a mistake to have argued that point, but that still speaks to my core values. I did let it go. And now I'm venting here.
So positives are that I know her expectations, and she knows mine. Unfortunately my request for physical reassurances when / if feeling uncomfortable are the opposite of her wanting continued space. W did say she she's at 60% committed to our R, that we have several other stressors to fix (co-parenting, moneu, communication in general and about daily events) that once taken care of will yield greater time and energy for us to work on our R. Plenty of things for us to concretely work on that can help us bond and in a parallel way "fix" our M. W also said she's terrified of me / my anger when I clench my jaw. Something for me to work on. She did acknowledge some of her past as contributors to all this, and that she created my extra need for reassurance b/c of her actions with OM. One of the more interesting comments was that she said she doesn't really want anyone to touch her, b/c she has this dark feeling inside her and that she feels as if others would be able to touch "it". I so got that / validated it so well that each of us became teary eyed near the end of lunch. We stopped talking.
