Love it! You sound like you are shifting....more "I" and less "H".
I guess big picture I view DR as this:
Figure your crap out and be who you want to be Spouse sees happy, fun, confident person Over time, spouse believes in changes Spouse gets interested in this person Spouse questions his/her own actions Spouse comes around and talks R Spouse starts working on own issues and M issues with you (piecing)
Maybe there are other steps, and maybe someone else could sum it up better, but I think the important thing in this whole deal is where it starts. It seems like it takes us all so long to get to that first step and the reality is, once we've got step one, the requirement of the M being fixed is no longer there.
