The fact that the SIL's were there tells me she wasn't texting the OM. I mean, are they 12 years old? No. It's perfectly normal to feel what you feel, but try to wait until the morning to talk to her in a calm way.
It's interesting how you can sleep (and the kids) with them making all the noise. One of my H's pet peeves is that I asked him to keep the noise down late at night, so he felt he couldn't bring his buddies over for a poker night. I'm a very light sleeper.
Oh, and in regard to the affection, hug her from time to time. Show her you love her with small gestures. She'll start doing the same as time goes by. Get some of those fitted boxers and walk around the room in them, or don't wear anything--even better. Get the spark going :-)
