H came over today and announced he was reneging on his recent promise to pay half of the kids' school book orders for next year (totalling $700).
I'd asked him a week ago if he was OK to pay half (via email) and he'd agreed, so I'd put the total on my credit cards after shifting cash onto them (they're maxxed out by him). I cannot afford to cover food and bills for us at the best of times, so $700 is a big deal for me.
When he came over on Xmas Eve, he apologised for being slow in sending the payment and said he'd go straight to his computer and transfer the money. It never appeared.
Then today (28th) he said he was not going to pay. It escalated rapidly into a huge argument. He kept going back to my 'abuse' of OW when she showed up at my daughter's school concert about 3 months ago
He told the kids he would no longer be coming over to our house and referred them to an email he had sent them.
Below is what he wrote to the kids.
By way of background, I should say that H and I have not argued etc for months as I am successfully detaching and acting as if, accepting what he has to say, etc. Note too, that NY, for us, is the other side of the world and most expensive to travel to - especially for someone who is struggling for financial survival.
What do you guys think? I really need some outside perspectives on this one.
Hi Kids,
I am sorry that you don't want to spend more time with me but I understand how unhappy I have made you both. I am very sorry that I am putting you through this but I want you to know how much I love you and that I will do everything I can to support you always. I also want you to know that your mother and I were very very unhappy together and since we are separated we have a better understanding of what is important to us. The most important thing to both of us is you.
I am still trying to negotiate with your mother about how things will proceed from here and I am finding this negotiation very difficult. What happens between your mother and I from now on shouldn't involve you and I'd like to keep it that way. I don't want the problems that I am having with your mother to make things bad between you and me. It is very difficult for me to visit you at home due to the circumstances between your mother and I. I would really appreciate it if you could find some time to spend with me but I understand entirely if you don't want to. We don't have to come to my place - we can just go out for a pizza or the beach (once again - I understand if you choose not to). I miss you terribly and want to see you every day but it seems that you are too busy (which I understand).
One thing I would request is that you acknowledge my letters and text messages. I worry about you. If you would prefer I don't contact you I would understand (I will always love you no matter what) and you should tell me so that I don't cause you any more hurt than I already have.
Just so you know whats happening with me - I visit Grandfather most weeks (so if you want to come with me let me know). I am working from around 1am in the mornings till 2 in the afternoons then going to pick you up from school. Weekends are mostly spent working but also spent visiting my Mum, Dad, and (Aunt's name). I would love it if you where to come over for homework or just a visit (address of OW’s house). Work is OK and I may need to go to New York at some stage next year to progress things there. If I do would you like to come for a while during school holidays? I usually go sailing on Wednesdays or Fridays with some friends at the yacht squadron and I would love you to come (but you need to give me some warning).
I wanted to write to you to tell you how much I love you and how sorry I am about what you are going through. I know it must be terribly hard for you to understand why your mother and I are no longer together. I am sure that one day you will understand - and you will realise it has nothing to do with OW.
Please call me when you can (or write). I love you
